Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend?

It's not like they had to be there...

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Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

What does an excited karate pupil say to his friend when greeting him?

HIYAH!

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What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter only allows 140 characters.

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Why does Calvin Harris like reading fairy tales?

He loves a good happy ending

Why did KGB officers always travel in threes?

One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.