Turkey Jokes

Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

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What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

God save the kin.

What did the turkey say to the motorist?

Buckle Buckle

Where does a Turkey live?

A coup.

What's the difference between a Dove and a Turkey?

One has a coo, the other has a coup

What happened when Turkey was accused of being Chicken?

It staged a coup

What's ISIS favourite meal?

Turkey! Its the bomb!

What do Thanksgiving dinner and the refugee crisis in Europe have in common?

Turkey and grease

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

Why was the Turkey v Germany match called off?

There were too many fowls.

What do chicken, beef and Russia have in common?

They are all against Turkey

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What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?

Turkey

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What do you call a turkey with no arms?

A turkey

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

What will you have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To get to.

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU?

Because there is no Turkey

What is the name of Turkey's most beloved actor?

Muslim Bale

Why don't turkey vultures ever lose their luggage?

They only...

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How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

Who's the only one who doesn't say thanks on Thanksgiving?

The Turkey.

Why did the turkey walk across the road twice?

He didn't want to be called chicken

Why did the Turkey join the band?

Because he had two Drumsticks.

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I'll get back to you in a few weeks

What did Mustafa's dad say after he founded Turkey?

Attaturk.

Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?

He tripped a fan

What country uses the most foul language?

Turkey

Why do turkeys always gobble?

They havent been taught good table manners!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey - he's always stuffed!

What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey?

The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.

Why do so many American tourists end up in eastern Europe?

They get Hungary so they go for Turkey.

What sound does a Turkey make?

Coup coup

Why don't you want a turkey at your Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it'll gobble up everything.

What did the green onion say to the Thanksgiving dinner?

I ain't no chive, Turkey.

What do you get when you cross a baseball with a turkey?

A fowl ball!

Why did Turkey disappear?

Because Austria was Hungary.

What does my mom and a turkey have in common?

They both died on Thanksgiving

What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?

If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy

What do you call a turkey with Parkinson's Disease?

Turkey Jerky

What did France say to Turkey?

That's not nice.

What's the most popular type of car in Turkey?

Coupe

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?

Quack! Quack! Quack!

Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?

He gobbles up.

Why Did The Military Take Over Turkey?

To Prove They Were Not Chicken

What's the Turkish version of court packing?

Turkey stuffing

Where do turkeys go to have a good time?

The Turkey Club

What sound does a dying Turkey make?

Coup coup coup

Why does duck taste better than turkey?

Because turkey is just poultry in comparison.

What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?

Just be *honest* with it man...

What key won't let you through any doors?

A turkey.

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad: I guess through its Beak

What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s?

There's a little bit too much grayvy.

Who doesn't like Turkey?

Russia.

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?

Grave-y!

Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?

He had tripped a fan.

Why did the chicken cross the bridge?

To get away from the Turkey coop.

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?

Turkey.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving?

He's Russian to Turkey.

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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Blow a little boogie into it!

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They blow when they get turned on.

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What is the one riddle that everyone gives up?

The riddle of life!

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Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

Why do men want to marry a virgin?

To avoid criticism and comparison.

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When is the best time to sail?

Schooner than later.

How do you know if you are having a good time?

When you throw your knickers against the wall, and they stay there.

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Why do asians squint all the time?

Because nukes are so bright

Why do the Japaneese have squinty eyes?

Do you have any idea how bright a nuke is

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Why do NBA players like poultry?

Because they love to slam duck!

What do you call someone who raises poultry?

A chicken tender.