Weight Jokes

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

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What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar?

Weight for it...

What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?

Weight on it.

How does a crackhead lose weight?

Diet Coke.

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What do you call a rabbit who lifts weights?

A jacked rabbit.

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

Because he chose from the kids menu

How do witches lose weight?

They join weight witches.

What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

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What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

How does The Terminator lose weight?

By counting Kylereese.

Why did Jared lose so much weight?

He always went for the 6 instead of the 12

Why couldn't Cauchy lose any weight?

Because every time he saw a street pole he imagined two pies.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Why can't you lift weights on Monday?

It's a week day.

How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

You fit into his clothes.

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

How do you make a girl gain weight?

Marry her.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

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Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

How do fireflies lose weight?

They burn calories.

Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

What s the weight of a hipster?

One Insta-gramm

How do fish lose weight?

They Swim-fast.

How do you do it?

Me- "It's easy, I just gain weight."

How do you weight a fish?

With a scale.

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

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Witch Jokes More Witch Jokes

What do witches ring for in a hotel?

B-room service.

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?

Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

Long Line Jokes More Long Line Jokes

What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights

What do you call a long line at a cookout?

A barbequeue.

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

What do you call a group of rabbits walking backward?

A receding hareline.

Why did the rabbit go to rehab?

He was hopped up on Easter eggs.

Kim Jong Un Jokes More Kim Jong Un Jokes

What does Kim Jong Un do when he's angry?

Removed

Why do North Korean officials are always seen holding a notebook and a pen when they're near Kim Jong Un?

They're writing their last will and testament.

Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?

Thanks I'll just have a sliver!

What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster?

HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.

Pun Jokes More Pun Jokes

What do you call a pun in a marathon?

A running joke

What's the difference between a pun and a copy of Cliff's Notes?

A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays

Crackhead Jokes More Crackhead Jokes

What's a crackhead with no drugs?

Crack-a-lacking

What is the difference between a crackhead and a walrus?

One tooth

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What did the double-amputee say when he stood up?

I stand corrected." -From

How can Ozzy Osbourne possibly sing that?

When Tony Iommi is standing right next to him, alive and well.