Weight Jokes

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

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What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar?

Weight for it...

What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?

Weight on it.

How does a crackhead lose weight?

Diet Coke.

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What did they start calling Kim Jong Un after he shed 60 kgs in weight?

Kim Jong Un what you thought it was Slim Jong Un? Sorry but you are not allowed to make puns on your supreme leader's name in North Korea

What do you call a rabbit who lifts weights?

A jacked rabbit.

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

Because he chose from the kids menu

What does Mrs. Pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!

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How do witches lose weight?

They join weight witches.

Why are paraplegics bad project teammates?

They never carry their own weight.

What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

How does the Terminator lose weight?

By counting Kylereese.

Why did Jared lose so much weight?

He always went for the 6 instead of the 12

Why couldn't Cauchy lose any weight?

Because every time he saw a street pole he imagined two pies.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Why can't you lift weights on Monday?

It's a week day.

How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

You fit into his clothes.

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

How do you make a girl gain weight?

Marry her.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

How do fireflies lose weight?

They burn calories.

Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

What s the weight of a hipster?

One Insta-gramm

What do Big Ben and the House of Commons have in common?

Both have a huge bellend swinging his weight around inside

How do fish lose weight?

They Swim-fast.

How do you do it?

Me- "It's easy, I just gain weight."

How do you weight a fish?

With a scale.

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

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Supreme Jokes More Supreme Jokes

Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?

Because they rain supreme.

What did they start calling Kim Jong Un after he shed 60 kgs in weight?

Kim Jong Un what you thought it was Slim Jong Un? Sorry but you are not allowed to make puns on your supreme leader's name in North Korea

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

Why would Gabe Newell be a good president?

Because then World War 3 would never happen

What happens when a linguist gets sick?

Plosive diarrhea

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

How will you be paying, sir?

Check mate"..

How can a blind person tell if they're home?

They check the architexture.

Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What piece of bedding can also be known as a Mexican blanket?

The underlay! underlay!

What would Ed Sheeran taste like on a piece of toast?

Gingerbread

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

What did "Nock" say to "K"?

You can join us, as long as you stay quiet.

Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What has 2 legs but doesn't use them?

A man named Bob running down a train track (only Asians will understand)

How many monastic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None... they live an ascetic lifestyle and prefer to not use electricity.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why is being a pirate addictive?

They say that after you lose your first hand, you get hooked!

How are children like cellphones?

If youve lost one and havent found it in a couple days, chances are its probably dead.

Fruit Jokes More Fruit Jokes

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.