Weight Jokes

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

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What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar?

Weight for it...

What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?

Weight on it.

How does a crackhead lose weight?

Diet Coke.

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What do you call a rabbit who lifts weights?

A jacked rabbit.

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

Because he chose from the kids menu

How do witches lose weight?

They join weight witches.

What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

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What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

How does The Terminator lose weight?

By counting Kylereese.

Why did Jared lose so much weight?

He always went for the 6 instead of the 12

Why couldn't Cauchy lose any weight?

Because every time he saw a street pole he imagined two pies.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Why can't you lift weights on Monday?

It's a week day.

How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

You fit into his clothes.

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

How do you make a girl gain weight?

Marry her.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

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Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

How do fireflies lose weight?

They burn calories.

Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

What s the weight of a hipster?

One Insta-gramm

How do fish lose weight?

They Swim-fast.

How do you do it?

Me- "It's easy, I just gain weight."

How do you weight a fish?

With a scale.

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

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Join Jokes More Join Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur who joins the band The Clash?

A StayGosaurus

Why did the cat join the Red Cross?

Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

Trophy Jokes More Trophy Jokes

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

What did the record holder for the world's longest coma get?

A trophy

Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What piece of furniture can you always trust?

A Reputable.

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?

He was the skipper!

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why is gambling not allowed in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

What is a crevice that is owned by someone and not allowed to be stepped into?

None of your abyss-ness

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

How many calls do I get?

Cop: one me: What do you think is more likely a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

Ideal Weight Jokes More Ideal Weight Jokes

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?

About three pounds, including the urn.

What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

About 3 pounds, including the urn.

Witch Jokes More Witch Jokes

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip. Happy Halloween

Why don't witches wear underpants?

To get a better grip on the broom