Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

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Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What are your desires?

Me: My desires are..imagines having a talking Pug named Maurice that I watch Netflix with...Unconventional.

Why do people always talk in absolutes?

I would never do that. It's the worst.

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?

Forget-me-nuts.

What do you call a person with short-term memory loss?

I forget...

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why was the wife worried that her husband was a light drinker?

Every night, he'd go out and drink until it was light.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights