What did the fancy cat say when he wanted to leave?

Le meow

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Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?

They hate plaque buildup.

What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do his own surgery?

Suture self!

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How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?

She left a plunger in the toilet

When to leave your girlfriend?

When your wife's clothes start to fit her.