What did you like most about your last job?

ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What does Ronda Rousey's opponents and myself have in common?

We both barely last 14 seconds and leave our partners underwhelmed.

Why does Jerry Sienfeld clean up on tinder?

He can't go left

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

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What can be surmised from this?

The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Just spell it like the way it sounds!

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

Where did the seaweed... Where did the seaweed find a job?

In the "Kelp Wanted" section of the want-ads.

Lean Jokes More Lean Jokes

What did you like most about your last job?

ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.

Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy?

It's Italicized