Weed Jokes

What do you call weed grown in a ceramic container?

Pothead plants.

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What does a weed addict day when something miraculous happens?

Dank god

What does the drug dealer make sure to do?

Weed out only the best suppliers

What kind of gardening is done in the hood?

Weeding

What Do You Call A Group Of Terrorists That Love to Smoke Weed?

HIGH-SIS

What do you call a tree that smokes weed?

Snoop Log

What do you call a gorilla who magically smokes weed?

Hairy Potter.

What do you call a stoner when horny?

Now please post weed related jokes

This joke may have profanity.

How do you keep a club exclusively for straight edgers?

You weed out the rest

Where do stoner cars store their weed?

In potholes.

What do you call a family in which everyone from grand parents to grand kids smoke weed?

Joint Family.

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What do you call someone addicted to both crack and weed?

A rockin' roller.

What is the best kind of weed?

When I'm weed you)

Who is the only one that has smoked as much weed as Wiz Khalifa?

Wiz Khalifa's tapeworm.

What type of weed does a reptile smoke?

Mariiguana

Why do rappers love weed so much?

Because the majority of their relatives used to pick it

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

What do you get when you cross weed with weed?

You get high.

Why did the man hire a Mexican gardener?

Because he was good at pulling weed

What does one llama say to the other llama before the smoke some weed?

Alpaca bowl!!!

Why do Zelda and Link smoke weed?

Because they live in the kingdom where the hyrule.

What do you call weed from Denmark?

Dansk kush.

Where do bears go after smoking some weed?

Hibearnation

What do you call the guy you buy your weed from?

Your chron-tact.

Why do people call their weed the Koran?

Because if your burn it, it gets you stoned

What do you get when you roll weed on a dictionary?

High Definition

Why doesn't Rihanna smoke weed anymore?

Because she's taken enough hits.

What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked weed?

He got baked.

What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

Jackpot!

Why did the lobster blush?

Because the see weed.

How do you know when someone smokes weed?

Dont worry, they'll tell you.

What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed?

Baked beans

What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed?

High definition

What do you call a conversation about weed?

A diskushion.

Why do you smell like weed?

Me: How do you know what weed smells like! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy

What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

They got stoned

What kind of weed do muslims smoke?

Quranic

What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What happens when a midget smokes weed?

He gets medium.

What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan?

Tajweed

Why do people who smoke weed take geology?

Because they're STONERS!

Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery?

He wanted to keep his spirits high.

What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?

Getting all high and mighty

Why did the police arrest the sidewalk sidewalk?

It always had some sort of weed on it!

What type of weed do lizards smoke?

Mariguana.

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed?

A baked potato

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's

What is Harrison Ford called when he smokes weed?

Han So-high.

What does weed and the Quran have in common?

If you burn it you get stoned

What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?

Simple, you get stoned twice

Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car?

So he always hits the green when he's driving.

What do you call someone who's never smoked weed?

IlLITerate

What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

Han So-High

How do you know that someone likes to smoke weed?

Don't worry they'll tell you.

Why were George and Lennie sad?

Of mice and men joke) Because they ran out of Weed

What Do You Call It When Someone Has a Bad Experience With Weed?

Blunt trauma.

What do you get if you bake weed into apple pastry?

A high turnover.

What do you call a lighter that is only used for weed?

A highlighter Edit: Or a Bud Light Courtesy of u/isnottoast

What do you call a joke that includes a pun about weed?

OC High humor

How is medusa like weed?

She makes people stoned.

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Bust Jokes More Bust Jokes

What's in front of a woman and in the back of a cow?

The W. Yeah my dad just busted this joke on me.

Why do you smell like weed?

Me: How do you know what weed smells like! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy

Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

What is long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What goes 30 miles per hour and smells like curry?

Usain Balti

Well Kind Jokes More Well Kind Jokes

What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions?

A Chihuahua because it knows all the shortcuts!

What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection?

A pointer!

Ground Jokes More Ground Jokes

How are electric outlets punished?

They're grounded.

Why does the hipster make crappy coffee?

The beans are always under-ground.

Joint Family Jokes More Joint Family Jokes

What do you call a family of Orthopaedic doctors?

A Joint family.

What do you call a family in which everyone from grand parents to grand kids smoke weed?

Joint Family.

Sand Jokes More Sand Jokes

What's the difference between menstrual fluid and sand?

You can't gargle sand.

What do you do after you make a rough castle on the beach?

You sand it!

Club Jokes More Club Jokes

Why did a seal go to the bar?

Because he didn't want to go clubbing.

What did the baby otter say when it walked into the club?

Ouch

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why are there so many Asians?

Its the food. There is too much raw dog. Heard it on Adam Carolla's Podcast. A caller phoned in and told it to Adam. Thought you guys would like it.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized