Cheese Jokes

What do you call the god of cheese?

Cheesus

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What did the cheese say to its reflection?

Halloumi!

What's a monk's favorite kind of cheese?

Smoked Buddha.

Who is the commander of cheese?

Sargento

What kind of cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

What type of cheese is not yours?

Nacho cheese!!!

Why is it impossible to say no to French fries with cheese and bacon?

Because it's a loaded question!

What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of its cage?

Camembert

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Colby Jack's.

Why was the cheese so sad?

Because it was provOLONE

What kind of cheese can be used to build a structure?

Cottage cheese.

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What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Haloumi!

What's Emperor Palpatine's favorite kind of cheese?

Gouda, gouda...

What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?

Rats!

What is the most independent kind of cheese?

Prov alone.

How does cheese get more mature?

Fromage

What does a German call a party without Sausage and Cheese?

A Wurst-Kse Scenario

How do you get wishes from cheese?

You fed-a-genie!

What did the cheese say to itself in the in the mirror?

Halloumi

What kind of cheese would you use to disguise a small horse?

Mascarpone

What do you call cheese that isn't your cheese?

NACHO-CHEESE

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Why did the cheese cry?

It was degrating.

Why did Carrie Underwood run out of cheese?

Because Jesus took the wheel.

What sort of cheese do you use to get a bear to go on a outing with you?

Camembert

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese

What do you want on your tombstone?

Pepperoni and cheese.

What cheese is used to block online streaming?

Edam

What do you call a man with a fetish for US currency who works on a dairy farm?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

What is Gucci Mane's favorite kind of cheese?

Gruyauuuurrrrrrrrrr

What's better than cheese?

A cheese grater

What do you call a mouse with cheese but no crackers?

Cracka-lackin

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

NA'CHO CHEESE

What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with?

Smoked Muenster.

What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese was.

What does cheese say to itself when taking a selfie in the mirror?

Hallooooo me!

What type of cheese can you see in a mirror?

Halloumi! (Hello me)

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

What happened to the Greek dairy farmer who got robbed on his way to market?

He was un-feta-ed of his cheese.

Why don't French people smile in pictures?

The French word for "cheese" is "fromage".

What does cheese say when you take its picture?

Make sure you get my Gouda side!

How does Jennifer Lopez like her cheese?

From the block.

How do you discuss cheese with a Welshman?

Very Caerphilly.

What state makes exclusively Swiss cheese?

Swisconsin.

What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?

NACHO CHEESE!

What did the tomato say to the cheese in court?

I rest my queso.

What is a sorority girl's favorite type of cheese?

Feta

What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?

Camenbert

What cheese is not yours?

Not your cheese....

What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not "nacho cheese")?

Leave my provolone!

What kind of cheese do you use to hide a small horse?

Mascarpone!

What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear?

Camembert!

Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum?

Coz 'e-mmental!

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?

Thanks I'll just have a sliver!

What do you call a cheese that's not yours?

My cheese!

What did one cheese say to the other?

I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate!

Why do Germans fear hotdogs with cheese?

Because for them, it is a Wurst-Kase scenario.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

What cheese is the most religious?

Swiss cheese! (it's the most hole-y)

What cheese can never be yours?

Nacho cheese.

What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?

Camembert!

What do you call cheese that is by itself?

Provolone

What's the most annoying thing about making cheese?

The curds get in the whey!

What's the best part about twenty two year old wheels of cheese?

There are twenty of them.

What do you call a goat that likes cheese with their pasta?

Maaaac

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage

Why did ranch break up with chicken wings?

Because he blue cheese...

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Someone else's cheese.

Where do cheeses go to the bathroom?

In a Parma-John.

What do you call an empty cheese whiz jar?

Cheese Was! some old guy came up to me on the street and told me this one.

How have you done that?

I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese.

What kind of cheese?

Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted " Me: "I'll just make it myself."

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone!

Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?

Because he's not a rat.

What's a mouse's favourite record?

Please cheese me!

What do you call cheese that is not yours?

Nacho Cheese.

What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear down from a tree?

Camembert!

Which cheese is schizophrenic?

Halloumi

What's Medusa's favorite kind of cheese?

Gorgonzola.

What type of cheese lives under your bed?

Muenster.

What do you call an arcade in eastern europe?

Czech-e-cheese

What is a mouse's favorite record?

Please cheese me'!

What did the mouse say to the webcam?

Cheese.

How did I boast to the cheese I made myself?

Gruyere.

What's it called when you borrow cheese from a friend?

Taking out a provoloan

What did the milk say to the cheese?

Hey, you're old!

What did the cheese maker say to his son after he dropped the cheese?

That's no whey to go through life, son.

What's the difference between a pizza, and this joke?

One has cheese on it, the other's just plain cheesy.

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?

Thank you I'll just have a slither.

What's Medusa's favorite type of cheese?

Gorgon*zola

What is Rhiannas favorite type of cheese?

Mozzarella-ella-ella

What did God say to the cheese that sinned?

Gouda Hell.

Why didn't the cheese get sliced?

It was destined for grater.

Why did the man put cheese on his computer?

He wanted to feed the mouse.

What type of cheese is strong?

Shredded cheese.

What do they call the Hunger Games in Japan?

Battle Royale with cheese

What do you call a bunch of pro wrestlers hitting each other with blocks of cheddar and wheels of gouda?

Battle Royale with cheese.

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

Which cheese is the loneliest?

Prov-alone!

What's a Scottish cannibal's favorite food?

Mac in cheese

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Why doesn't Bill like old houses?

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Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

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What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not "nacho cheese")?

Leave my provolone!

Why was the cheese so sad?

Because it was provOLONE

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What if you go missing?

How do you expect us to find you if you look like Beyonce on Facebook.

Why did Tigger get stuck in the toilet?

He was looking for pooh.

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Why wasn't Rome built in a day?

Because it was a government job.

Why did the Romans build straight roads?

So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!

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What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

Why did the dyslexic butcher feel left out?

He felt like he just didn't belong-a (bologna)

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Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle.

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?

Santa Clues.

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What's your heigth and position?

Pilot: Well I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.

What did Chad Kroeger say after leaving a concert of Justin Bieber?

I want my Nickleback....