You stop milking a cow after 10 years.
You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)
One's organized.
Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.
One's against the law, and the other's a sick bird.
The stationmaster minds trains while the schoolmaster trains minds.
The nun has hope in her soul!
Bout tree fiddy.
One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny
Dead animals have skid marks AROUND them
Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.
A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.
Jesus had 11 guys he could depend on.
It all depends on how you look at it
The teabag stays in the cup longer.
A tea bag stays in the cup longer!
It is possible that UFOs exist.
Hazelnuts are normally around $1.50/lb, deernuts are always under a buck.
A mosquito can "fly", but a fly can not "mosquito".
Twitter only allows 160 characters
A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain
How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Mike Jones is Still Tippin'.
About six drinks
About four beers
The Bald Eagle is free c:
Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York.
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
An electron
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.
Bill Gates never got a Mac, but Steve Jobs got PC.
I don't know." "So you're the one!"
One's an algorithm, and the other's an Al Gore-ism!
Batman can go in a convenience store without Robbin.
Pronounce this word: unionized
God knows he's not a surgeon.
Introverted Engineer looks at His shoes when he's talking to you. Extroverted Engineer looks at Your shoes when he's talking to you.
It depends on where I draw the line.
A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.
About 3 inches.
One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
Spitting, Swallowing, and gargling.
An extroverted scientist will stare at YOUR feet.
Psychopaths are fun at parties.
No difference - when you gotta go, you gotta go!
The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.
The position of the dirtbag
Pink Floyd kept going after the wall.
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
It's no bad luck to walk under a truck.
Jesus may actually return some day.
The dead cat has skid marks around it.
One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)
Nothing.
Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
My girlfriend knows about my wife.
When you drink a bad coffee in Switzerland you say, "Merci!".
The girl in church has hope in her soul
Twitter only allows 140 characters.
No one cries when you cut up an accordion
Government bonds mature over time and earn money
Santa stops after three ho's.
The posters.
One is hoplite, and the other a light hops.
Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
Fancy food is delicious, but military food is deliciousir!
This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.
Deer nuts are under a buck.
Some adults like lawyers.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and deer nuts are just under a buck.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
One of his legs is the same.
You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
About 7 beers.
Santa stops after 3 Ho's
Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.
Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.
An introverted engineer looks at his feet when he talks to you. An extroverted engineer looks at YOUR feet when he talks to you!
A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.
Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"
A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.
One less drunk.
A)..... The rooster clucks defiance.
There's none. They both have big hearts but a short reach.
A physicist is atoms studying themselves, while a biologist is cells that study themselves.
People in Dubai don't watch the Flinstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.
To make a difference.
Spit, sallow, and gargle.
Falconers have to be more talon-ted
The attorney charges more.
One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!
Hardware breaks if you maintain it.
Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer.
When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!
Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window
On a steampunk bike the gears don't do anything.
It got flagged.
Footage.
Aggregated basalt
A small medium at large
A roamin' Catholic.*
They both give kids a little head.
Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
They both ate honey and they both have the same middle name.
Wild Twerky!
De Beers
I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.
With arroz.
OP de-livered.
Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.
It stole the show!
Bro, mine
