You only have to punch the information into a computer once.
They aren'tt tolerated on thsi subredit
The bricks will get laid.
You can't zucchini bugs! A family-friendly take on the age old "jam VS jelly" joke.
Bricks can get laid.
You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond
For an European 500 Miles is a long distance, for an American 500 years are a long History
Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.
A coal mining company puts miners in shafts not the other way around.......
Fish are cool
Your mom never gave me reddit gold.
A kink is something put in a hose, a fetish is something she wants to put in your hose.
Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.
Spit, swallow, gargle.
About ten minutes.
A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.
One's a legacy, the other a sea of legs.
An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.
Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.
Jesus may actually return some day.
Nothing neither one has been working since Tuesday...
You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
The blonde doesn't sit still when she is on eggs.
One likes pipelines, and the other likes pipes lines.
A job application.
A calendar has dates.
There's only one Bender in Futurama
A viola burns longer.
If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.
A table can support itself
Tiger Woods had a better driver!
You have a shot with a pool table.
One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.
Bricks get laid.
A tire.
This isn't a good joke.
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
One stood for something
About 45 pounds. What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend 45 minutes
Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.
5 years.
One of them has to water their vegetables
20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*
Yogurt's got a culture. (no offence)
One starts with B and the otber starts with D
Nothing, they're both dead stars.
No one ever told me to drink Naruto
Gnomenclature.
The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
The star has a bright future.
I don't know.
Walt Disney.
The Tenor doesn't have hair on his back.
No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.
Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
A difference of a pinion!
One empties your pocket. The other makes Hot Pockets.
3 inches
A elevator can raise a kid
Your dad doesn't watch when I ride my bike.
Protestants have sects.
God doesn't think that He's Kanye.
Drones can't tell either
A dog knows what is 'no'.
A radius
My couch pulls outs
Belgium waffles crumble in the hands of German.
The canoe tips.
There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum.
Beer nuts are over a dollar deer nuts are under a buck. (old but good)
Try picking it up. If you can't it's either a monster or a giant banana.
I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.
Terrorists have sympathizers.
A magnet only has two Poles.
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
Humor is a shift of wit...
A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.
I don't know, i just fly the drone
A major difference.
One is a Fey Goat, while the other is a.
One's constantly preparing for lunch.
A cello burns longer.
The blonde works in the dark!
You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
One is a bar room, and the other is a *BARROOM!*
God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Superman's powers are all natural.
How much their husbands make
Nothing.
Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
Two abominable snowballs
His portrait only need one nail
Sugar is on the lips.
On a quantum level, there is no difference.
One is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief the other is pro wrestling.
A bann grows on vines.
Because someone threw a canoe at him!
Fur traders.
Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.
His shirts get all winkly.
Azkabarn
Treason
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
SEVEN.
Booze.
You invite two of them.
Manager: Sir, we've been through this, our cashiers aren't for sale.
There's a sale on at the fern store!
Because they don't do Windows
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
In my excitement, I asked my girlfriend "How's your daddy " instead of "Who's your daddy " and now five hours later we're still talking about his diabetes...
You down with Opie pee
