One is a cunning array of stunts.
In christianity, one guy died for all the others.
The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels.
The football player
Vodka does not freeze
Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus...
A computer only has to have information punched into it once.
He was just a nerdy digger.
It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to take it out.
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.
Spit, swallow, gargle.
Nothing if her husband knows what's good for him!
McDonald's knows how to use salt
A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.
One's a Goodyear, the other's an awesome year.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.
The engine stops whining after the plane lands.
A trampoline doesn't look adorable in a sailor outfit
You can't gargle sand.
Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo
I wouldn't shoot heroin.
The can
In A Bomb Blast Population Decrease.. * But.. * In A Condom Blast Population Increase..!
About 204 days.
My car can hit 50.
One plays hard rock, the other is rock hard.
The orange has handlebars
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.
Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)
They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.
One is a bar room, and one is a Barooooooooooooom!
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
I don't have a new BMW in my garage.
At Sloan-Kettering the Mets always win.
I didn't expose myself inside a guitar this morning.
One was planned.
Not everyone has been in an Airbus A380.
You stop milking the cow after ten years.
Larkspur has a ferry terminal, San Francisco has terminal fairies.
LeBron James doesnt give you 4 quarters.
Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.
A woman kneeling in prayer has hope in her soul.
Spiiting and swallowing.
The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Racism has many faces
Diet coke has better advertising.
A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have mooselers.
Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!
The variables aren't necessarily related.
None
The ability to binge watch Friends with your friends.
Wine gets better as it gets older
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!
Marshmallows
One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen
The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!
The color.
One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.
One is against the law and the other is sick bird.
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, the other is a harware standard.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window...
One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..
Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "
Boss: I don't know. Guy: I'm not coming in this morning!
A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.
Radioactive elements last longer.
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
About 3000 miles!
I don't know. I'm retiring next month.
A porcupines needle won't give you AIDS
I told him "It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..." "..and Derek has a moustache"
One is Redbox, the others are Bedrocks.
I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face.
At a religious revival, they say "STAND UP FOR JESUS" At a bikers rally, they say "SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"
One steals from the people the other peals from the steeple.
My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising two of my goats.
One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.
One leg's both the same.
The communist wants equality
Payday vs prayday.
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!
You can make a pet out of a snake!
Try picking them up!
On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.
The hunter has to wait until it's in season!
I don't have a Camaro....
Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years
One of them doesn't.
Sixty-nine
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
F1 driver doesn't think he's a cab driver
The government actually wanted to stop Polio.
An attic door can shut up. im going to hell
Some traffic signs say stop.
Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.
Biggie loves it when you call him Big Poppa, while your mom just loves it when you call.
You can only peel (peal) the banana once.
I would feel awkward dancing to reggae music.
Incontinent
To hide his nuts!!
Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
Neither acknowledge their fellow church-goers at the liquor store.
Man: It pleases me to listen that she died.
He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.
The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. usually has a completely different meaning.
Quarkiplier
For the crotch.
Just put it on my bill
One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatally different
A quarter pounder with cheese.
I don't have Ferrari in my garage.
Because they all had a tare
If you're a surfer and you're getting head.
