Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

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What the difference between Reddit and other sites?

On some of them you actually have a voat

Whats the difference between cats and dogs?

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

What is the difference between a yogurt and america?

If you leave the yogurt for 100 years alone, it develops a culture.

What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

What's the difference between a yoghurt and the USA?

If left for 400 years, the yoghurt will develop a culture.

How do you tell the difference between a redditor and a MOBA player?

Ask them what OP stands for.

What's the difference between hard and light?

I can sleep with a light on.

What's the difference between a Afghanistan wedding and a terrorist training camp?

Don't ask me, I'm just the drone pilot.

What's the difference between a dentist and a sadist?

Newer magazines

What's the difference between certain and uncertain?

Well, one things for sure

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What is the difference between the US and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out the window

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child?

Eric Clapton would never let a small bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What's the difference between a sandwich and a germanwings plane?

When the sandwich drops I'm sad.

What's the difference between 0/1 and 0/2?

Nothing.

What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble?

A dollar.

What's the difference between America and a yogurt?

After 200 years a yogurt will develop a culture.

What's the difference between America and cereal?

You can get cereal without nuts.

How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

One has parents

What is the difference between a baby and a stamp?

I don't have a stamp collection.

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What's the difference between a joke and your friend's blog?

You enjoy it when a joke is posted on Facebook

What is the difference between a drinking establishment and an elephant's fart?

One is a bar-room and the other is a BAROOOM!

What is the difference between a 2 year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

What is the difference between a Ford car and a porcupine?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in the south?

Nothing, someone is losing a trailer!

What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?

A book has papers.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?

You can tune a chainsaw.

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue?

You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the jar of glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there

What is the difference between light and hard?

Well, you can sleep with a light on.

Whats the difference between the English cricket team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer

What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.

What's the difference between writing your will and owning an ant farm?

One's a legacy, the other a sea of legs.

What's the difference between a crocodile and a toothbrush?

You can't brush your teeth with a crocodile.

What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years.

What's the difference between a civilian camp and an ISIS base?

I don't know I just fly the drones

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

What is the difference between yoghurt and America?

When you leave yogurt alone it grows a culture!

What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?

If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.

What's the difference between Tuna, a Piano, and a bottle of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

What's the difference between a woman's argument and a knife?

A knife has a point.

What's the difference between a psychologist and a groundskeeper?

One you need for a rough patch, the other you need to patch your rough.

What's the difference between Leonardo DiCaprio and Sesame Street?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.

What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's Day.

What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.

What is the difference between a boat and a woman?

The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

What's the difference between a divorce and a tornado in the south?

Nothing. Either way someone is going to lose a trailer

What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al Jazeera shows them landing.

Whats the difference between a genie and a genius?

A genie grants wishes, while a genius wishes for grants.

What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

The location of the dirtbag.

What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family.

Whats the difference between a Ginger and a Shoe?

The shoe has a sole

What's the difference between "like", "love" and "showing off"?

Spit, Swallow and Gargle.

What's the difference between fishing and dating?

In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk.

What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows Yeah, I know it's old....

What's the difference between a soldier and a sailor?

Ever tried dipping a sailor in a boiled egg?

What's the difference between a tuna a piano and a pot of glue..?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna What about the pot of glue reddit will ask. Hahahahaha I knew you'd get stuck there

What's the difference between a ruble and a dollar?

One dollar

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

What is the difference between snowmen and snowomen?

Snowballs.

Whats the difference between OP and a magical ram?

One is a Fey Goat, while the other is a.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?

9 polar bears

What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?

Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet

What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.

What's the difference between a cigarette and my exwife?

Cigarettes don't scream when they're burning.

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie the other prowls on the hairy.

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar twenty five, deer nuts are under a buck

What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk?

A mootation

What's the difference between juice and cider?

I can't go deep in juice.

What's the difference between a hold-up and a stick-up?

Age

What's the difference between me and a dentist?

The dentist pulls it out when it hurts.

Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

On less person is drunk

What is the difference between a Ferrari and 4 dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

What's the difference between a green bean chickpea?

No one has ever paid to have a green bean on their chest

What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist?

A sadist is honest about his intentions. That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?

What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

What is the difference between a polar bear and the World Series?

One has cubs

What's the difference between a horse and a zebra?

A lawyer.

What is the difference between Spiderman and Superman?

Peter Parker can swing a web. Clark Kent.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and a woman?

Inserting a rod into the reactor turns it off.

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The vacuum has the dirtbag on the inside.

What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?

One requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.

What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter?

10 "number 1's" and a not guilty verdict

What is the difference between Will Smith and Scotland?

Independence Day

What's the difference between spider man and Superman?

Peter Parker can shoot webs. Clark Kent.

What's the difference between a black man and happiness?

You can't buy happiness!

What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

What's the difference between organized crime and politics?

One's organized.

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One's against the law, and the other's a sick bird.

What is the difference between a horror fiction writer and a disabled physicist?

Haw

What's the difference between a schoolmaster and a stationmaster?

The stationmaster minds trains while the schoolmaster trains minds.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

The nun has hope in her soul!

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