A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!
Nothing
A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.
The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.
Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.
One leg is both the same.
Ask them what a 3Ds is.
Timing
One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.
The taste.
Nothing they are both Thor.
God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.
Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?
Snowballs.
You can't hear an enzyme.
One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here
Outlaws are wanted people
One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.
The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.
The grip.
Attire.
Irradiated cats have 18 half-lives
Snow balls. Ha
Refrigerator doesn't have a 'd' in it.
In the Pro Bowl, they give ten percent.
When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted.
We stopped Germany.
I asked for Pizza #KingOfjokes
Owens can finish a race.
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo fall out of a window
Kevin still doesn't know.
A major difference.
You don't have electricians that are colour blind!
You take your boots off before you jump on a trampoline.
A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)
Banana is yellow,dynamite is red
Stark industries has actually turned a profit
Justice isn't always black and white
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick.
You can't jelly someone into a wood chipper.
One's covered in soap bubbles, while the other's covered in Pope stubbles.
Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...
A knife has a point.
One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin.
In a church you see pew, pew pew. In a mosque you hear pew pew pew.
The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.
One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
I don't know, i just fly the drone
Nobody would name their band Pearl Jelly.
You would pay to have a potato on you...
About ten minutes.
Scooby-Doo doesn't have a dog.
You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
Apart from the Spelling?
I dont know and I dont care.
You can't milk a cow for 15 years.
The Mercedes can easily reach 40.
The people miss Harambe.
Humans miss Harambe.
One bursts into flames in the sunlight, and the other is a vampire.
Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a command.
The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.
One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatally different
One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.
The Earth's crust is on the outside.
Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.
They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.
A tribal tattoo makes you laugh.
If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.
I stopped butchering goats.
Only one of them is organized.
Caribou can't fly.
The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.
If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.
One composes, the other decomposes...
You can't tuna fish!
A jet engine stops whining after it lands
The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you.
The pencil has a point
Uranium gets to its half-life on time.
Coconuts have hair
People from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do.
No idea man, im just flying the drone.
About 20 beers!!
One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data.
Pokemon Go always goes down on me
This joke will be back someday
About 8 pints
A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"
A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.
A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
The bond matures.
A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.
One has a coo, the other has a coup
Life eventually ends.
I haven't given up on my memes yet
I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.
Hillary got off Scott-free.
Fur traders.
The canoe tips.
His hand caught on fire.
That's a huge axe man!
Price is right!
Fill the tank
By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage
Hide in the living room.
Because their knee grows.
Batman can go in a convenience store without Robbin.
A holey Bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.
Shooting the breeze.
If God was a woman sperm would taste like chocolate
Because they were a nuisance (new cents).
Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.
Canteloupe
