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What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel?

I'm sorry to leave now that I've almost bought the place.

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why couldn't the pickle leave the bar?

Because the door was ajar!

How do you surprise Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet

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Why bother?

They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!"... oh, like I wasn't!

Where did the judge go to buy a necklace for his wife?

The jury store

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How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

Teacher Jokes More Teacher Jokes

Why would I do that?

Teacher: Because it's 90 degrees over there.

What did Justin Beiber say to his teacher?

What do you mean?

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?

Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?

What is Nitrate?

Girl: My place, 250...your place 400!

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Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

How is Michael Jackson like the thousands of people outside Times Square on New Year's?

Once the balls drop, They're no longer interested!