What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel?

I'm sorry to leave now that I've almost bought the place.

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Why was the fish swimming alone?

Because he left the school.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

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Which phone??

Person 1: Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2: Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1: So what about summers then? Person 2: Same, it freezes often as well

Why did the fishermen buy a new pole?

Just for the halibut.

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What's the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?

He wrote sheet music.

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Why were you late?

Pupil: Sorry teacher I overslept. Teacher: It's three in the afternoon!

What did Justin Beiber say to his teacher?

What do you mean?

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Why is it good that the Vietnamese man won first place?

It's a Nguyen-win situation.

Why was the piano invented?

So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.

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What do you call a thousand lawyers, chained to the bottom of the ocean?

A start.

How does a blonde count a thousand sheep?

She counts the legs, and divides by 4.