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Thousand Jokes

How does a blonde count a thousand sheep?

She counts the legs, and divides by 4.

Love
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Love

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What do you call a thousand lawyers, chained to the bottom of the ocean?

A start.

What do you cal a campsite trampled by thousands of tiny insects?

A gnatural disaster.

What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3

What begins with P ends with E and has thousands of letters?

The Post Office

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

What's the difference between rock and jazz?

Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What do the Post Office and a shoe store have in common?

Thousands of brown loafers

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel?

I'm sorry to leave now that I've almost bought the place.

We've Got This Love Thing Down
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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky! I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

What kind of laptop calls you a thousand times?

A dell

What two words have thousands of letters in them?

Post office.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?

Pete.

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!

How is Michael Jackson like the thousands of people outside Times Square on New Year's?

Once the balls drop, They're no longer interested!

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years Pete.

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

Why didn't the sun have to attend university?

It's already got thousands of degrees.

How do you make a tiramisu?

With a thousand Gigamisous

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes
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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why "Trojan" condoms?

Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out Less than stellar marketing.

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College Jokes More College Jokes

What do you say to a vampire when he graduates from college?

Coagulations!

Why doesn't the sun go to college?

It's extremely bright, it already has 28 million degrees.

Jazz Musician Jokes More Jazz Musician Jokes

What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What did the DJ say to the jazz musician?

Take me to the airport.

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people with the Flu stand in corners?

Its always 90 Degrees

Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

Begin Jokes More Begin Jokes

Why are thedonald users not cucks?

First of all you'd need a girlfriend to begin with.

What do you call an empty field?

The French army at the beginning of a war!

Hipster Jokes More Hipster Jokes

Why did the hipster break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't have all the 7" he kept talking about.

What did the icecream truck say to the hipster?

I was a food truck before it was cool.

Cal Jokes More Cal Jokes

What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?

Claude

How did So-Cal celebrate the double anniversary of the LA Riots and Cinco de Mayo?

Rodney King Pinatas

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

How do you count a herd of cattle?

Q: How do you count a herd of cattle? A: With a cowculator.

Why can't blondes count to 70?

Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

What's the difference between astronomy and gastronomy?

Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.