How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?

He gets stumped.

Why did the boat know it had a leak?

That sinking feeling...

Fan Jokes More Fan Jokes

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

Why was Nikola Tesla a fan of Marvel?

Because he didn't like DC...

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you know you are sitting next to a ski instructor?

They'll tell you.

How do you confuse a fish?

You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner!

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

Why do babies cry so much?

YOU'RE MOM.

Why's the little boy scarred for life after going to buy his mom some earrings?

He went to Jared.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open?

Ten-ish

What do frogs say?

Times fun when you're having flies

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What did the thirsty Spanish pirate say?

I need some arrrrrrrrrrrgua!

Why does Oregon Ducks need such big suitcases?

Because they Pac-12 of everything.

Thought Jokes More Thought Jokes

What are your thoughts on new soup technology?

I say Progresso at any cost.

What does a Jedi say after a tragic loss of life?

May my thoughts be with them.

Garbage Jokes More Garbage Jokes

What has handles and flies?

A witch in a garbage can.

When is a pig an ecologist?

When he recycles garbage into ham.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

How does a blonde count a thousand sheep?

She counts the legs, and divides by 4.