How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.

How do you know that William Wallace is normally distributed?

Cause he has infinite degrees of FREEEEEDOM!!!

Fan Jokes More Fan Jokes

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

What song do you sing if you're not a fan of Christmas?

Sigh-lent night

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why do American beer companies always advise that their beer should be served cold?

So you can tell it apart from urine

How does a tornado tell the time?

It checks the tornado watch.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What do you get when you cross my mom with my dad?

I don't know, but my Dad said it was a mistake.

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread Flour power And when a lot of people do it at the same time a rye-ot

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?

It saves so much time.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

Why is a sinking ship like a person in jail?

Because it needs bailing out.

Thought Jokes More Thought Jokes

What are your thoughts on monorails?

They make decent one-liners.

What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

Change.

Garbage Jokes More Garbage Jokes

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

What has handles and flies?

A witch in a garbage can.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years Pete.

What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3