How did your mom know you hadn't washed...

What dinosaur knows the most words?

Thesaurus.

Who was that on the phone Fred?

Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down!

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What did the black kid with diarrhea say to his mom?

Help! I'm melting!

Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?

Her mom replies, "Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

What a glum face what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours?

Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it!

Why does your face look like a donut?

Me 30 minutes into dieting

Wash Jokes More Wash Jokes

What do pessimists use... Q: What do pessimists use to wash their clothes?

Deterrent.

What washes up on tiny beaches?

Microwaves.

Soap Jokes More Soap Jokes

Where's the soap?

Yes, it does." she replies.

Why should you never trust soap?

It's an emulsive lyer.

Forgot Jokes More Forgot Jokes

What did the dementia patient say to the other dementia patient?

I forgot.

What did one priest say to the other priest?

Do you know where my son is " "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."

Wet Jokes More Wet Jokes

How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath?

Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel wet the soap and flood the bathroom.

How can you get hundreds of women wet all at once?

Go to a john mayer concert!

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face?