What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

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Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

Where is the best place to find hot grills?

A barbecue

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Why is my mom always right about everything?

Because she said so and that's final.

What do neutrinos and I have in common?

We're always penetrating your mom

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Why are Mumford & Sons the only agnostic rock band?

Because they don't even know if they believe.

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.