What's the difference between a mixologist and a bartender?

About ten minutes.

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What's the difference between a good joke and click bait?

This isn't a good joke.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

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What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

How long is one minute?

It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

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How much for a drink?

The bartender replies, "For you No charge."

What can I get you?

Harambe: I'll have a beer. Man: No, he'll have just ice. Bartender: Just ice Man: Yes, justice for Harambe.