Minute Jokes

Why do they call them the minute men?

Because they lasted a minute in battle

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What's the difference between a mixologist and a bartender?

About ten minutes.

What is the favorite scientific unit of the French?

RPM (Revolutions Per Minute)

What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?

The letter "m."

Who are the world's fastest readers?

The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute. I'm so sorry

How long did it take the fish to go to the store?

Salmon or eight minutes.

How long did Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion have to wait for the Tin Man?

Ten minutes.

What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer?

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute.

How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

China probably can pop corn in one minute.

Who's there! Boiler! Boiler who?

Boiler egg for four minutes!

How long does it take to fly to Boston?

The clerk said "Just a minute..." "Thank you" the man said and hung up.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?

So the violists don't need to be retrained.

Why can any hamburger run the mile in under four minutes?

Because it's a FAST food!

How long is one minute?

It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

What did the bear say to her date?

I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed

What are you doing crawling into school ten minutes late?

Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late!

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

What's that thing called where every time you stand up you have to limp for the first minute?

Oh yeah...39

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

How do you get a dozen eggs out of a washing machine in less than a minute?

I'm serious... help.

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What can we do to stop polluting our waters?

Pupil: Stop taking baths

Which teachers make pupils feel good about themselves?

Maths teachers, they make everybody count.

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Who's there! Arbus! Arbus who?

Arbus leaves in 5 minutes

What is headache?

5 minutes talk to wife.

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Why do geologists love sandwiches in the field?

Because they can get their whole grains.

Why can't Vader find a steady relationship?

He keeps looking for love in Alderaan places

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What is that new movie about?

About an hour

How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?

An hour after its landed its still whining.

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What type of dog did the tweaker have?

A pure bred meth lab.

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What happens when you get hit by a rental car?

It Hertz.

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

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What's the difference between my girlfriend and a cow?

Cows are real.

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

I need space.

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Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?

Because he had a vowel movement.

What came after the stone age and the bronze age?

Pupil: The sausage!