I Phone Jokes

What did Nokia's executives say when the iPhone launched?

We're Finnished.

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How many bites out of the new iPhone did Tim Cook take?

16, 32, 64, and 128

What my iPhone and Steve Jobs have in common?

They are both dead...

Why did the storm trooper return his iPhone?

Because it wasn't the droid he was looking for!

What does the pirates 5 trailer and the iPhone 7 have in common?

There's no jack

Why is Rose sad?

Because there is no Jack in iPhone 7.

What did Thin Lizzie do with his iPhone?

Jailbreak

What do my iPhone and my girlfriend have in common?

They both go off again two minutes later to remind me of the same thing.

Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?

Because eventually, its cover would be blown.

Why did the iPhone 7 cross the road?

To buy another pair of AirPods.

How many Android users does it take to buy an iPhone?

Zero. Apple doesn't accept EBT.

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Why are the new iPhones so skinny?

To match their hipster owners' jeans.

What does Ukraine have in common with the iPhone 7?

They both suffered the loss of one very important port.

What does /r/jokes and the iPhone vs FBI case have?

Both just got hacked

How best to save the iPhone from FBI?

Crack it before they hack it.

Why did I throw my phone out of my window?

Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane...

Why is the iPhone 6 the coolest smart phone around?

Carry it around in your pocket for a while and it'll be on every selfie you take.

What's going to be thinner than the IPhone 8?

Apples ideas.

What kind of phone does The Flash use?

Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

An AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

Why can't Helen Keller use an iPhone?

Because she's dead.

What's 6" long, bent to the left, and in the front of my pants??

My iPhone 6.

How do you know if your friend has an iPhone?

They tell you.

What do you get when you shove an iPhone into a blender?

Apple Sauce

What's the iPhone's favorite football team?

The Chargers.

What is the most common question asked by iPhone users?

Does anyone have a charger I could use

Why did John Snow get an iPhone?

For the watch.

What do the iPhone 5 and Viagra have in common?

They're both $700 for an extra inch!

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a bitten apple?

An Iphone. What is bigger than an Iphone -A brick. What is smaller than an Ipad -An Ipad Mini.

What's the common thing between Mercedes and iphone 6?

Mercedes Benz...

What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common?

They both made the news for not being straight.

How is the iPhone 6 like /r/gonewild?

They both give you tightness in the pants.

Why was the redneck on his Iphone at his sister's funeral...?

He was changing his relationship status to single. Dahurpy durp Dahurpy Durp Da dUrpy durp.

What's considered an homemade gift in China?

An IPhone.

What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?

They both let me stick it in only one place.

Why are you letting people touch your new born?

I don't let people touch my new iPhone

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

Why didn't Rose get an iPhone 7?

She never let go, Jack.

What's 6 inches long hard, bent, and in my pants?

My iPhone 6

What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started?

Looking for Jobs.

What did Samsung Galaxy S 5 say to the iPhone 6?

Get bent" I hope you guys like this joke. I just came up with it.

What's your cell phone?

IPhone. - No, I meant the number. - It's a 6. - No, to contact you. - I don't use it for that.

What did Apply say to the iPhone 7?

Hit the road, Jack.

Why should you always bring an iPhone to Mos Eisley Cantina?

Because droids can't get service.

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Tim Cook Jokes More Tim Cook Jokes

What's Tim Cook's new nickname?

Jack The Ripper

What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common?

They both made the news for not being straight.

Launch Jokes More Launch Jokes

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

What is a rocket's favorite meal?

Launch! Another one from my 9 year old.

Fan Jokes More Fan Jokes

Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?

He tripped a fan

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?

A bunny with money.

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

Why was Fibonacci afraid of 5?

Because 5 8 13!

What do you call 5 black guys on a stage?

An auction

Steve Jobs Jokes More Steve Jobs Jokes

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

An Apple turnover.

What's the Difference Between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates?

Bill Gates never got a Mac, but Steve Jobs got PC.

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

How did Jack grow his portfolio?

He invested in beanstocks!

What's the worst thing to say to a friend you see on a plane?

Hi Jack!

Pair Jokes More Pair Jokes

Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game?

Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.

What's the difference between a pair of shoes and a ginger girl?

You try your best to keep your shoes from getting wet when you go to town.