What's 6" long, bent to the left, and in the front of my pants??

My iPhone 6.

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Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

What do you want to be when you leave college?

Student: "Alive".

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Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

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Mercedes Benz...

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What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

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In case he got a hole-in-one.

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Why is 6 afraid of 9 on New Years Eve?

Because 9, 8, 7....

Why did 6 break up with 7?

Because 7 ate 9 out