Bite Jokes

How many bites out of the new iPhone did Tim Cook take?

16, 32, 64, and 128

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What do you call a reptile biting its own tail?

An alligatorus

What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider?

You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry

What is red and hurts when you bite it?

A Brick.

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

Why do bees sting?

They can't bite because all that honey rotted their teeth. (From my 7 year old niece)

How did the hipster burn his tounge?

He bit into his flat bread before it was cool!

What do you do if you get bit by something poisonous?

Don't bite it back in retaliation.

Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can! Why can't humans?

Because they'll bite us!

What do programmers and obese people have in common?

They both call an 8-course meal a bite.

What did the dog say when he bit the sandpaper?

Nothing. He just grit his teeth.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What is it?

It has legs, but doesn't walk, beak, but it doesn't bite and wings, but it doesn't fly. What is it? -A dead crow

Why was Luis Surez expelled from the rap contest?

Because he was biting.

Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark?

Professional courtesy.

What did the time traveller do after he ate the last bite of his dinner?

He went back 4 seconds.

What do you call a Nun that bites her nails?

A bad Habit.

Why couldn't the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues?

His balk was worse than his bite!

What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich?

What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth

What's worse than biting an apple and finding a worm?

Biting an apple and finding half a worm

What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor?

Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go!

What do you get when a vampire bites a goblin?

A Hemogoblin

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?

A bite in shining armor.

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?

Frost bite!

What did the snake say to Adam after he bit the apple?

You owe Eve an O.

What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites?

Don't bite any witches!

What do you say when you step on a snake?

Well that bites.

Why are hot dogs the best dogs?

Because they feed the hand that bites them.

Why was Luis Suarez expelled from the rap contest?

Because he was biting.

How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails?

Replace the nails with screws.

What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Biting into an apple and finding half a worm!

What happens when a T-Rex bites you?

You get a dino-sore.

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist?

To improve his bite!

What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?

His bark was much worse than it's bite!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?

He wanted to improve his bite.

Which people do the burgers hate?

The ones who are always putting the bite on them!

What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil?

One rarely bites and the other barely writes!

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch!

Why is a toothless dog like a tree?

It has more bark than bite.

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?

A tiger moth!

How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm?

They'll both bite at anything!

When do vampires bite you?

On Wincedays.

Why was the iPad sad?

Someone took a bite out of its Apple.

What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller?

A computer with a lot of bites!

Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

Because an itch in time saves nine.

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Tooth Jokes More Tooth Jokes

Why do cowboys have foreskin?

So they have a place to put there chewing tobacco when brushing their teeth

What do you get with a room full of 32 Alabamans?

A full set of teeth

Brick Jokes More Brick Jokes

What is the difference between a Windows Phone and a brick?

One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A Brick.

Tim Cook Jokes More Tim Cook Jokes

What does Tim Cook have for breakfast in the morning?

Not Apple Jacks

Why did Tim Cook fire an unpaid intern lately?

His name was Jack

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the east-German and the west-German accent?

While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.

What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of dreams do dustmites have?

Mitemares

What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

Dodged-a-Rango

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

What do you call someone who can't stop reading Nancy Drew novels?

A heroine addict.

Frost Bite Jokes More Frost Bite Jokes

What do you get from a frozen zombie?

Frost bite. D

Why was the snowman's dog called Frost?

Because Frost bites.

64 Jokes More 64 Jokes

How many bites out of the new iPhone did Tim Cook take?

16, 32, 64, and 128

Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims, they went through 64 stories in just 8 seconds