The blonde doesn't sit still when she is on eggs.
A bull smiles when you milk it.
An introverted engineer looks at his feet when he talks to you. An extroverted engineer looks at YOUR feet when he talks to you!
A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.
Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"
I can maintain polite conversation.
A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.
One less drunk.
CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is Palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."
A)..... The rooster clucks defiance.
There's none. They both have big hearts but a short reach.
A physicist is atoms studying themselves, while a biologist is cells that study themselves.
People in Dubai don't watch the Flinstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.
To make a difference.
Spit, sallow, and gargle.
Falconers have to be more talon-ted
The attorney charges more.
One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!
Hardware breaks if you maintain it.
Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer.
When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!
Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window
At least you can leave your child alone with the babysit
6 inches makes you day but 12 inches can make your hole weak.
On a steampunk bike the gears don't do anything.
A church bell peals from the steeple.
A calendar has dates.
The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive
Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered." Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."
One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.
One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon
One is a cunning array of stunts.
A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.
In christianity, one guy died for all the others.
The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels.
The football player
Vodka does not freeze
One is a superhero and the other is a command.
A computer only has to have information punched into it once.
Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!
He was just a nerdy digger.
It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to take it out.
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential."
Spit, swallow, gargle.
A viola burns longer.
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window.
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
Nothing if her husband knows what's good for him!
McDonald's knows how to use salt
If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.
A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.
My car can hit 50.
My car can make it to 50.
One plays hard rock, the other is rock hard.
You stop milking the cow after ten years.
Not everyone has been in an Airbus A380.
The engine stops whining after the plane lands.
A trampoline doesn't look adorable in a sailor outfit
Yogurt has a live and thriving culture.
You can't gargle sand.
So you're the one.... (only if you answered "i don't know")
The can
Tiger Woods had a better driver!
One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.
Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)
One is a bar room, and one is a Barooooooooooooom!
They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.
The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
I don't have a new BMW in my garage.
I didn't expose myself inside a guitar this morning.
LeBron James doesnt give you 4 quarters.
A tsunami doesn't care that you are faster than your buddy.
A woman kneeling in prayer has hope in her soul.
Spiiting and swallowing.
The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
A consonant.
Racism has many faces
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.... What about the pot of glue I knew you'd get stuck.
Diet coke has better advertising.
The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.
A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have mooselers.
Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!
The people in Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do!
Tiger Woods has a better driver
The variables aren't necessarily related.
Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system
The ability to binge watch Friends with your friends.
Wine gets better as it gets older
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!
Marshmallows
One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen
Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!
A-tyre
The color.
One is against the law and the other is sick bird.
When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.
Have a rest. (Everest, get it?) Really awful joke, but I thought of it last night and was wondering if anyone recognised it? Who knows, it might be original....
One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
I don't have Ferrari in my garage.
A quarter pounder with cheese.
One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.
A holey Bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.
Because they don't do Windows
J-lo Cloths
The baby starts picking cotton off her tampons.
Flush the toilet.
Ask Subban from the Hans to find out
When you ask them "Are you a vegan?" and they say "Yes".
Mutated
Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.
