About 3 replies in the top comment thread.
The podiatrist bucks up your feet.
A magicians wand is used for cunning stuns.
About 10 pounds.
Nothing.
Unlike football, you'll never get to spike it in the Friendzone.
A battery has a positive side.
Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.
In professional wrestling they know what they are doing.
I've never had a Walnut on my chest..
And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'
Nicki Minaj never owned slaves.(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=Gr1p4KtgOXc)
My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.
One of them ruins your life. The other's just meth.
One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy
Paul Walker wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda.
None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash.
About 5000 miles.
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other one is a watermelon.
One requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.
For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".
Eggs get laid at least once.
A golfer goes "damn" and a skydiver goes "damn".
The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::
Twitter only allows 140 characters.
I can sleep with a light on.
One builds weapons and the other build targets.
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
An electron
This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.
A)..... The rooster clucks defiance.
One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon
2-3 weeks tops.
Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.
The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
Deer nuts are under a buck.
Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.
Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out the window
Eric Clapton would never let a small bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
Peter Parker can shoot webs. Clark Kent.
You would pay to have a potato on you...
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!
About 20 beers!!
Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window.
The people miss Harambe.
Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.
You can sleep with a light on.
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four
Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.
There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!
A pencil has a point.
An ion!
The bomb vest actually does something when triggered.
The pencil has a point
No idea man, im just flying the drone.
One is a super hero and the other is a simple command.
The knife has a point
Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.
Beer nuts are a dollar twenty five, deer nuts are under a buck
The people in Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do!
Disney movies can still touch children.
You will see one later and one in a while.
A-tyre
I don't have Ferrari in my garage.
It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
An introverted engineer looks at his feet when he talks to you. An extroverted engineer looks at YOUR feet when he talks to you!
One of them is organized.
The location of the dirtbag.
One dollar
The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"
The vacuum has the dirtbag on the inside.
Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.
One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".
Twitter only allows 160 characters
The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.
The dead cat has skid marks around it.
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
I cry when I chop an onion.
A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.
So you're the one.... (only if you answered "i don't know")
Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.
A bomb vest does something when triggered.
There have been sightings of UFOs.
The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
About 60 pounds.
I dunno, i just click submit
Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono.
The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.
I've never had a lima bean on my chest
One is a super hero and the other is a command.
My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*
The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance.
One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
People from Dubai don't like the flinstones but people from Abu Dhabi Do
I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
Reindeer are the ones that fly.
Booze.
You invite two of them.
Change Why do we need change (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)
Both were happy to shoot 69, but only Breivik went to jail.
Whedon?
SEVEN.
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
They're Meteor!
Juice Jenner. I'll be here all week
Their middle name.
A Presbyterian is a Baptist who can read
Prism
He still has some whistle left in his fart.
Maid in China.
Because they must be able to "dust for Prince"
