The url.
Toilet paper.
Yogurt's got a culture. (no offence)
My couch pulls out.
A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.
One starts with B and the otber starts with D
One less drunk.
One holds photos The other holds five
A rental car can go anywhere
Eggs get laid at least once.
February 14th.
A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.
One hits the spot...
One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.
Attire
One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl.
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
Cows are real.
Chelsea got Oscar. huehuehuehue.
What base you're counting in.
Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"
Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.
A tire.
The train got windows
You aren't naked in my bed.
About 5 drinks
One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".
You can't gbrblblblbl(gargling noise) with a regular stool.
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance
In a casino, you really mean it.
You cry when you cut up an onion.
Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot.
I can't memory my weiner in your mouth.
The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.
The guy would survive the first round.
Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore.
You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.
The lift attendants have jobs.
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!
The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
A pencil has a point.
Gnomenclature.
Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*
A podiatrist bucks up your feet.
Ones used for cunning stunts.
The spelling.
About 1500 miles.
Have you ever tried worm pie!
The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
People laugh at my face.
The umbrella can be shut up.
A triangle has three points
The woman in church has hope in her soul.
One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!
The star has a bright future.
A church bell peals from the steeple.
Sesame Street has an Oscar.
There's no punchline for this joke.
If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.
You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant
I don't know.
Walt Disney.
The car salesman knows he is lying.
A plane
A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor
The Tenor doesn't have hair on his back.
God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.
Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.
Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window
Between NASA and NSA--it's astronomical.
A dog has a better understanding of no.
No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
How you spell them.
You can take a rental car anywhere.
About 12 letters
The Logo.
My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*
One is a super hero and the other is a command.
An Atari 2600 has more game.
It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Cooking times.
The regular one says "Made in China". The fancy one says "Designed in the USA. Made in China."
Batman can go to the store without robin Edit: glad you'll liked it
On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Toast is brown on both sides.
Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.
D(sun)/dt *facepalm*
A bomb vest does something when triggered.
At least one group can grow a beard.
Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
About three inches
Askreddit's subscribers are ok with offensive jokes.
God doesn't think he's a police officer.
They get Hungary so they go for Turkey.
Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.
Exactly like red paint!
Tasted awful.
Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!
Nocturtle
A fiend in need is a fiend indeed!
Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)
Because polly wanted a cracker
It won't be there
Me: I love you.
Hide in the living room.
Hnng. Aaaaaaaah. Like that. I'll show myself the door.
So he could save his stool.
When pink is blocked by red, you hit the brown.
I let women know that i have a jacuzzi
