A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.
Radioactive elements last longer.
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
About 3000 miles!
One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.
I don't know. I'm retiring next month.
A porcupines needle won't give you AIDS
I told him "It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..." "..and Derek has a moustache"
One is Redbox, the others are Bedrocks.
I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face.
I wouldn't let a Garbonzo bean all over my face.
At a religious revival, they say "STAND UP FOR JESUS" At a bikers rally, they say "SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"
One steals from the people the other peals from the steeple.
My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising two of my goats.
One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.
One leg's both the same.
The communist wants equality
Payday vs prayday.
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!
You can make a pet out of a snake!
Try picking them up!
On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.
The hunter has to wait until it's in season!
I don't have a Camaro....
Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.
Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years
One of them doesn't.
Sixty-nine
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
F1 driver doesn't think he's a cab driver
The government actually wanted to stop Polio.
If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.
An attic door can shut up. im going to hell
Some traffic signs say stop.
About 60 pounds.
Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.
A tire
Biggie loves it when you call him Big Poppa, while your mom just loves it when you call.
You can only peel (peal) the banana once.
I would feel awkward dancing to reggae music.
Read the label.
The lady in church has hope in her soul.
About 5 seconds.
Both accused of treason for expressing their freedom but Zoidburg didn't get his marshmallows!
With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once
People actually care if a gorilla dies.
1 has a less likely chance of survival in the dog pound
One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.
A tiger has the mane part missing!
A white man makes it to prison.
The egg gets laid!
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball
One is a palate cleanser, the other is a pallet cleanser.
The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance
There's Noel.
A bird can fly.
A blonde serves more people in a night.
Pants.
There have been sightings of UFOs.
In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.
Most people miss the twin towers.
Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go!
The way they enter your house.
A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.
If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.
Ironman is a superhero, Ironwoman is a command.
Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin')...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).
The matches are made for adults, but kids constantly grab'em and play with them. The situation is quite opposite with breasts.
One has culture.
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish "What about the glue " I knew you'd get stuck on that.
One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year.
One is a Bonaparte from the other.
They're both brown except the snowball.
20 minutes, thermostat 8.
How can you take something out you've never put in
I can get through his opening monologue without laughing
A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays
E.T. phoned home.
I give them a wall, and they take offense.
Attire.
Keep the change it doesn't really make a difference.
A cow can't be milked for over 30 years
A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.
People are'nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul.
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
The circus is a cunning array of stunts...
They are both post apocalyptic but only one produces brand new cars.
One's a Paladin, and the other's my pal Alladin
You can't unload sand with pitchforks.
A funeral is a meeting where you're dead outside as well as in.
The sun exists.
You can't steal a real car a few bits at a time
The C4 does something when it's triggered.
A Methodist will say hi when he sees you at the liquor store.
One is a cold heartless machine, used by everyone......And the other is useful with a Cafe. Gnite folks!
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.
A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.
Lindsay Lohan never reads the newspaper in jail, but the newspaper always reads "Lindsay Lohan in jail"
Lettuce Go!
Han Solo
Have always been curious of this.
A major difference.
About thirty thousand dollars a year.
One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
Because they recognise Ty won
Because he tasted funny.
Because 50% of the taste is in the smell.
He couldn't afford better judgement I'll be here all day folks
He loves his pot.
ME:What would YOU like W:Excuse me M:No one ever asks you, do they W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you.
He didn't have the guts
