Have you ever tried to peel an elephant
Whisper I don't have a Ferrari.
The car salesman knows he is lying.
Some people think God is real.
A plane
A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor
God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.
If you let the dog in, it will shut up.
Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.
Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.
Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window
Dead embryos don't tell on their mothers...
How you spell them.
You can take a rental car anywhere.
Kim Jong Un has control over his country.
About 12 letters
The Logo.
My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*
One is a super hero and the other is a command.
An Atari 2600 has more game.
Batman can go to the store without robin Edit: glad you'll liked it
On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Toast is brown on both sides.
D(sun)/dt *facepalm*
A bomb vest does something when triggered.
At least one group can grow a beard.
About three inches
A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Askreddit's subscribers are ok with offensive jokes.
Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!
The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.
I dunno, I just repost them.
The baseball player has all of its limbs.
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
About three inches.
3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot
The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.
A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**!
A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money
The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A chain saw has a dynamic range.
One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all.
I don't have a garabonzo bean in my garage because that's where I get pee'd on so there is tarps everywhere.
Landscaping is an outside job.
A boat.
One had to P.
One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.
A fortress has breastworks.
15 years.
The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
The bag of rice can feed a family of four.
Nothing, The hits keep coming
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four
None, the two are not a snake
Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."
1 figure, literally and figuratively.
Prison
Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.
A Yoghurt's got culture!
One's mad cow disease the other's an agricultural problem.
Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'
Two letters.
I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you
You can't hear a protein. (Wait for it)
A dollar
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.
Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.
Capitalization.
The candle is a thousand times brighter!
One goes quick and the other goes quack!
Camel can go days without drinking!
One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!
Removed
I've never radished off to OP's mom.
200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)
You can't dip a vampire in your tea.
One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".
Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.
1st floor: Splat, aaaaaahhh 10th floor: aaaaahhhh, Splat
I've never had a lintel on my chest.
One trains the mind the other minds the train.
The type of gas used.
You can't here a vitamin.
By their names.
This subreddit mods
The brick will eventually get laid.
Santa stops at 3 ho's
One has cheese on it, the other's just plain cheesy.
A pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of five.
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
An elevator has a GF
The cream
One has a long smeller the other a loud yeller!
You hide in a field and make carrot noises.
Fowl play!
Fred: A bird that steals ma'am.
Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)
About thirty thousand dollars a year.
SEVEN.
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different.
One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
There are no videos of Mike Tyson.
Quarkiplier
They're all girls on fire.
On Tinder.
There's a sale on at the fern store!
Because they're always putting sales out on ken-dolls.
