Nothing.
You can't milk a cow for 2000 years
Choice" is your ability to make decisions, "choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
Umm... I don't know... I've got nothing.
Me: Approximately 50-60 IQ points.
Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.
A Twitter post is limited to 140 characters
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
One mucks about the mountain. What's the difference between a police batton and a magician's wand One is used for cunning stunts.
You can leave Reddit.
Some days the wind doesn't blow.
It takes longer to milk the bull.
Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.
A caver rescues a spelunker.
None, both are collect in a field.
Not everyone's been in a 747.
People can Voat.
About thirty thousand dollars a year.
Don't ask me, I just fly the drones...
I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!
A shopping cart will, on occasion, exhibit a mind of it's own
When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."
Your mum doesn't starlings.
Half a measure.
Pls help.
I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.
A cheeseburger can't feed your ego.
One has hope in her soul...
Once you're finished with the breasts and thighs, you're left with a greasy box to put your bone in.
You don't talk about fight club.
Bonds mature.
With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside.
3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)
People usually thank you for giving them reddit gold.
The dress is white and gold
You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.
Attire
One has hydraulics the other has high bolics.
They both have wings, except for the elephant.
The green cabs haven't ripened yet.
I don't want to plow my driveway
Leibniz was able to integrate in 1675.
One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.
The start menu.
A STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!
One is cos(o), the other is Kosovo
The electrician knows where the ground is.
One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.
You can helicopter your banana but you can't banana your helicopter
Ones green and the other is black
I've never paid to have a lentil on me!
A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."
An egg gets laid
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Ans: Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR & Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill.
A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!
You can't ride your bike on a sociopath
Santa would never free an elf.
No fee--If No Recovery!
I've never smeared tigger on my face
One's wanted.
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Being cupped is far more pleasurable than being mugged
OC) You really can't tell the difference between a fish and an elephant
6 inches is medium 8 inches is rare.
Larry Hogan gets back from the hospital.
We don't need an asteroid...
About 3 replies in the top comment thread.
The podiatrist bucks up your feet.
A magicians wand is used for cunning stuns.
About 10 pounds.
Unlike football, you'll never get to spike it in the Friendzone.
A battery has a positive side.
Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.
In professional wrestling they know what they are doing.
I've never had a Walnut on my chest..
And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'
Nicki Minaj never owned slaves.(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=Gr1p4KtgOXc)
My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.
One of them ruins your life. The other's just meth.
One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy
Paul Walker wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda.
None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash.
About 5000 miles.
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other one is a watermelon.
One requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.
For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".
Eggs get laid at least once.
A golfer goes "damn" and a skydiver goes "damn".
The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::
Twitter only allows 140 characters.
I can sleep with a light on.
One builds weapons and the other build targets.
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
An electron
This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.
A)..... The rooster clucks defiance.
One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
A Methodist will say "hi" to you at the liquor store
Change Why do we need change (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)
One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different.
He dumped his girlfriend.
Sorbet
9 months.
The baby starts picking cotton off her tampons.
You invite two of them.
Booze.
He forgot Tupac his lunch!
An old man!
To hide his nuts!!
Karmaflage!
