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What do you call a corn cob on a track team?

A maize runner. Credit goes to my girlfriend.

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What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

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How do you get pickled bread?

With dill-dough. Credit goes to a J. Cain

What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns?

I think he would be most strict on nail gun control. (Credit to Taylor on PKA)