Timing
Harambe tried to save the kids.
One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.
The taste.
Nothing they are both Thor.
Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?
I'm not coming into work today
You can't hear an enzyme.
One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.
Outlaws are wanted people
One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.
You can make soldiers out of toast!
The grip.
Attire.
Irradiated cats have 18 half-lives
Owens can finish a race.
Kevin still doesn't know.
You don't have electricians that are colour blind!
You take your boots off before you jump on a trampoline.
A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)
Banana is yellow,dynamite is red
Justice isn't always black and white
You can't milk a cow for 15 years.
One bursts into flames in the sunlight, and the other is a vampire.
Brexit has actually affected society.
Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a command.
The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.
One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatally different
One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.
The Earth's crust is on the outside.
Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.
They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.
Al Gore's the stiff one.
A tribal tattoo makes you laugh.
If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.
I stopped butchering goats.
I never took a skinny on a girl's chest.
If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
I can't remember.
The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you.
E.T learned English and wanted to go home.
Uranium gets to its half-life on time.
Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!
People from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do
One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data.
Pokemon Go always goes down on me
This joke will be back someday
About 8 pints
A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"
A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.
Life eventually ends.
I haven't given up on my memes yet
About two-hundred dollars." - Johnny Carson
The Ozone layer doesn't benefit from having holes in them.
Hillary got off Scott-free.
A knife has a point.
When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.
Wright yells, "Objection!' Rong is your typical Chinese man.
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
One is still in the EU.
That the man that falls from the 2nd floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH While the man falling from the 8th floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.
The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. usually has a completely different meaning.
I never had a garbanzo bean in my mouth!
One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week
You only need one nail to hang the painting.
Nothing if you're a gorilla.
About 3 weeks.
I don't know you tell me.
Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.
When you ask them "2+2 is?":
Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over body
One of them is a flimsy thing that refuses to stand up on it's own. The other is a medical condition.
A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".
Because they're both cauldron
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.
After 200 years, the Yoghurt develops a culture.
You can't gargle with the sand.
There's none, both live for the hits.
About a day
Only one of them made it to the moon.
The circus has a cunning array of stunts.
With Twitter you only get 140 characters.
Terrorists blow them selves up at camp on accident
I don't know I just fly the drone.
The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery.
One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears
A sixth sense
I don't have an alcohol collection.
Sometimes the homeless get change.
There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.
The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."
Jokes about Batman's parents can get old.
Beer nuts are $1.99 deer nuts are under a buck
The color. Yes, this is an anti-joke. Downvote please.
Their parents.
Everyone WANTS to be Irish on st Patrick's day.
Will i marry you?
The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
Joan of Ark
Batman can go to a store without robin.
It won't be there
Change Why do we need change (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)
Because 11/9 just doesn't have the same ring to it.
The Air Force, because its US AF.
Someone stole the book.
BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.
Booze.
You invite two of them.
She was maid in France!
