Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building
A daydreamer stares out of windows.
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.
The train got windows
You aren't naked in my bed.
The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.
Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake!
One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".
The guy would survive the first round.
Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore.
You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!
A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance
The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
A pencil has a point.
Their age.
In a casino, you really mean it.
Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*
A podiatrist bucks up your feet.
Ones used for cunning stunts.
The spelling.
About 1500 miles.
Have you ever tried worm pie!
An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.
Removed
I can't memory my weiner in your mouth.
Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
About 3 inches
A tire.
If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.
People laugh at my face.
A triangle has three points
The woman in church has hope in her soul.
One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!
A church bell peals from the steeple.
Sesame Street has an Oscar.
There's no punchline for this joke.
You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant
Whisper I don't have a Ferrari.
The car salesman knows he is lying.
Some people think God is real.
A plane
A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor
God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.
If you let the dog in, it will shut up.
Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.
Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.
Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window
Dead embryos don't tell on their mothers...
How you spell them.
You can take a rental car anywhere.
Kim Jong Un has control over his country.
About 12 letters
The Logo.
My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*
One is a super hero and the other is a command.
An Atari 2600 has more game.
Batman can go to the store without robin Edit: glad you'll liked it
On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Toast is brown on both sides.
D(sun)/dt *facepalm*
A bomb vest does something when triggered.
At least one group can grow a beard.
About three inches
A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Askreddit's subscribers are ok with offensive jokes.
Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!
The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.
I dunno, I just repost them.
The baseball player has all of its limbs.
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
About three inches.
3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot
The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.
A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**!
A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money
The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A chain saw has a dynamic range.
One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all.
I don't have a garabonzo bean in my garage because that's where I get pee'd on so there is tarps everywhere.
Landscaping is an outside job.
A boat.
One had to P.
One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.
A fortress has breastworks.
15 years.
The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
The bag of rice can feed a family of four.
Nothing, The hits keep coming
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four
None, the two are not a snake
Hey. Watermelawn.
Batman can go inside a store without Robin
I let women know that i have a jacuzzi
So women know where to stand in the kitchen.
It's hard to see.
At a school for higher loining.
9 mouths
Nine months.
Heck
It was a black one.
Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.
An Eh k-47
Winnies' pooh.
She didn't take it far enough into the woods.
I don't know, I just click "submit"
You.
