Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.
The guy would survive the first round.
Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot.
The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
A tire.
People laugh at my face.
The umbrella can be shut up.
A triangle has three points
The woman in church has hope in her soul.
One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!
Two towers.
The star has a bright future.
A church bell peals from the steeple.
Sesame Street has an Oscar.
There's no punchline for this joke.
If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.
You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant
I don't know.
Walt Disney.
The car salesman knows he is lying.
A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor
The Tenor doesn't have hair on his back.
God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.
Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.
Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window
Between NASA and NSA--it's astronomical.
No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
You can take a rental car anywhere.
About 12 letters
The Logo.
My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*
One is a super hero and the other is a command.
An Atari 2600 has more game.
It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Cooking times.
The regular one says "Made in China". The fancy one says "Designed in the USA. Made in China."
Batman can go to the store without robin Edit: glad you'll liked it
On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Toast is brown on both sides.
Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.
D(sun)/dt *facepalm*
A bomb vest does something when triggered.
Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
About three inches
God doesn't think he's a police officer.
Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!
The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.
A difference of a pinion!
It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).
One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister.
One empties your pocket. The other makes Hot Pockets.
I dunno, I just repost them.
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
About three inches.
3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot
The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.
A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money
You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A chain saw has a dynamic range.
One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all.
A boat.
One had to P.
South Korean BBQ has more Seoul
My Grandma can unlock an iphone.
Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.
God doesn't think he's a Welder.
There's a vas deferens.
The taste.
An egg can stay in the cup longer
Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.
Attire.
15 years.
The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Time
The bag of rice can feed a family of four.
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four
The egg actually gets laid!
None, the two are not a snake
1 figure, literally and figuratively.
People in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones But people in Abu Dhabi Do!!
Anyone can mash potatoes
Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.
A Yoghurt's got culture!
A dog knows what is 'no'.
Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'
Two letters.
A dollar
The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.
Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.
Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.
The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'
I don't have Ferrari in my garage.
A tourist.
A tooter
It was Oak, Eh!
Triple 'eh'
Because they're meteor
Whedon?
A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different.
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
You start as a billionaire
Because the guy'd always be disappointed when she took out a ring.
