How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

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Who's there! Cain! Cain who?

Cain you tell!

How do you tell jokes?

Repost

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What did the cannibal ask for in his burrito?

Human beans

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

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Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

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What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.