How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

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What did the mother ghost tell the kid ghost when he went out to play?

Don't get your sheets dirty!

How do you tell jokes?

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What did the German say when the Spaniard asked him for some cheese?

Mi Kase es su Kase.

Why do old people read the Bible so much?

I asked my grandad the other day "why do old people read the Bible so much?" He replied "cause we're cramming for finals"

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Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

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What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.