Plumber Jokes

What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?

An asphalt

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How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

What did one plumber say to the other plumber?

Pipe down.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why are Plumbers always so tired?

Because their job is draining.

Why don't plumbers ride bikes?

Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack

Why was the plumber stressed?

He had a high pressure job

What do a plumber and a walrus both enjoy?

A nice tight seal

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How much does a plumber make in an hour?

It depends on how much crack he can produce.

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

How do you upset a plumber?

Kidnap his princess.

Whats a Plumber's favorite vegetable?

A Leek!

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

What do a plumber and a walrus have in common?

They both like a good, tight seal.

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?

Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

Why did you jump on a turtle?

Me: Because I'm a plumber

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

How do you tell which plumber went home for lunch?

He's the one with the clean finger.

What vegetable needs a plumber?

A leek.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached?

Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs Or crapperjoels

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Crack Jokes More Crack Jokes

How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.

Walrus Jokes More Walrus Jokes

What do a zip lock bag and a walrus have on common?

They both like a tight seal

Why did the walrus go to the container store?

To find a tight seal.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family?

Ending them.

Bike Jokes More Bike Jokes

Why did Vladimir fall off his bike?

He was rushin

Why did the boy fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a fridge at him.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What do you say to a chav that has got a job?

Bigmac and fries please

What did the management consultant think of his job?

It was the Bain of his existence.

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

What is another word for children who haven't learned how to do math?

Yesallwomen

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

Pipe Jokes More Pipe Jokes

What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

What did the cold pipe say to the to hot pipe?

Nothing,pipes can't talk. Thank you

Himher Jokes More Himher Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.