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How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?

Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.

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Crack Jokes More Crack Jokes

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?

Because he wasn't all he was *cracked up* to be.

Why do seagulls live by the Sea..?

Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels! Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it.

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

Why can't Intel-based phones enjoy Pokmon Go?

Because Intel Inside.

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

Alcoholic Jokes More Alcoholic Jokes

How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children?

Backwards.

What should you never do in front of an alcoholic?

Whine.