Alcoholic Jokes

What should you never do in front of an alcoholic?

Whine.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do you call a man who's always in high spirits?

An alcoholic.

What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one

What did one alcoholic say to the other alcoholic?

I forget

What do you call it when an alcoholic stops drinking?

A leave of Absinthe.

How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children?

Backwards.

What's the worst thing about alcoholics?

They wine too much.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.

What do an alcoholic and a necrophile have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one.

What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name?

Alcoholics synonymous.

Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?

Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.

What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.

Where do alcoholics get their breakfast pastries?

Drunken Donuts

What does an alcoholic do when he is out of beer?

Wine

What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?

They both like to crack open a cold one

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

Not all of them.

How do they separate the men from the boys in Athens?

With a crowbar.

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What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get?

Mourning wood!

What does a necrophiliac say to confess his love for someone?

You're dead to me

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Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

Why was the note denied alcohol?

Because it was A Minor.

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Why can't you hear Django coming?

The D is silent.

Who came after Augustus?

Septembrus

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What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.

What do necrophiliacs get at funerals?

Mourning wood.

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Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

How do pianists remember which groceries to buy?

They use a Chopin Liszt!

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What did the blind man say to the blind man?

Long time no see.

What type of truck takes a very long time to reach its destination?

A log n truck.

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What's the difference between a man biking to a job interview and a clown on a unicycle?

Attire.

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!