Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

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Quit Jokes More Quit Jokes

Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job?

He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

Boo Jokes More Boo Jokes

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

They would steal all the boos.

Why did the ghosts haunt the bar?

For the boos.

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

When does a cup stop being a cup and start being a mug?

When it gets a handle on life.

Why are manholes round?

They figured three squares was enough for the sewers to handle.

Alcoholic Jokes More Alcoholic Jokes

Where do alcoholics get their breakfast pastries?

Drunken Donuts

What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?

They both like to crack open a cold one

Audience Jokes More Audience Jokes

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

Why do golf commentators speak softly?

To not wake the audience.