Long Time Jokes

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's long and hard every time you wake up?

Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to.

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

What did fish on the kitchen bench say to the other fish?

Long time no sea.

What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu?

A flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time.

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

What do you name a girlfriend you haven't had for a long time?

Palmela Handerson

What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.

What did the blind man say to his estranged friend?

Long time, no see.

What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?

Long time no sea.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How long you two been married?

It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.

Why was the blonde staring at the box of orange juice for a long time?

Because it said "CONCENTRATE"

What type of truck takes a very long time to reach its destination?

A log n truck.

What did the blind man say to the blind man?

Long time no see.

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

Why did Woodrow Wilson take a long time to turn around?

Because he could only make 14 point turns.

What did the fish skeleton say?

Long time, no sea.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

What do you call gonorrhea that takes a long time to show up?

Slow clap.

When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone?

Two days seems like a long time.

You might also enjoy:

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues?

They get to meet their old flames!

How do you feel about the upcoming Tour de France?

I'm gonna give 110%

Area Jokes More Area Jokes

Where do dumb aliens go?

Area 52

Which area of Zelda: Ocarina of time uses the most resources?

The long long farm.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's warm, white, and I drink almost every night?

Warm milk before bed... Get your mind out of the gutter!

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Zelda Jokes More Zelda Jokes

Why do Zelda and Link smoke weed?

Because they live in the kingdom where the hyrule.

Which area of Zelda: Ocarina of time uses the most resources?

The long long farm.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did jesus say to the romans after he rose on the third day and talked about their behavior?

Yall nailed it.

What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?

If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do New York McDonald's employees and people who read Ulysses have in common?

Liberal Arts Degrees.

Why was the army recruiter in the nursery?

To find more people for the infantry! I'm sorry.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why do women make bad engineers?

Their whole lives they have been told 5 inches is 8

Why don't hipsters live in Alaska?

Everything is cool there already.

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey?

Anchor.

Why are camels also known as Ships Of The Desert'?

Because they're full of Arab seamen.....