Alcohol Jokes

Why was the note denied alcohol?

Because it was A Minor.

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What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

What do you call alcohol in a birdbath?

Tequila Mockingbird!

Why did the Chemistry Teacher go to Jail?

He got caught giving alcohol to minors.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What's a sheep's favorite type of alcohol?

Mutton-schnapps.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

How does Alabama keep alcohol out of high school?

Change the drinking age to 25

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you get when you mix up literature and alcohol?

Tequila mockingbird Or Ernest Hemingway

What kind of alcohol gets stuck in your head for days?

Red Red Wine!

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What is it called when you mix Alcohol and Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird. (X-post)

What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?

Tequila Mockingbird!

Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A?

AA, Eh

What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol?

La chaim-lich maneuver.

What do you call someone who randomly shows up and drinks your alcohol?

Bill Murray.

What do you call alcohol distilled by the Avengers' enemies?

Hydra-Gin

When your prescription says "DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TAKING THIS" how many beers are you really allowed to have?

What do you call a Children's show with some Alcohol added in?

Booze Clues.

Why did the bros take a shot of alcohol together?

Because if one bro takes a shot, the other takes a slug! #Bromanceforlife #Dietogether

How loud can you talk?

Alcohol

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What's the best kind of alcohol for your liver?

Nonanol.

What do you mean I can't drink alcohol with this medication?

You're not a bartender! You're just a pharmacist.

Why do we keep putting criminals behind bars?

Putting criminals behind bars seems like a bad idea once you consider all the alcohol they're now next to

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Because they don't like to drink and derive.

What do you call alcohol in a bird bath?

Tequila mockingbird

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Who is guaranteed to win?

Society.

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Why did Mr. T reject Socialism?

Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: "All you have to lose is your chains."

Why did the horse stumble?

He was de-stable-ized.

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What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.

What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name?

Alcoholics synonymous.

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What do you call a group of yogurt loving boat enthusiast?

A Yacult...

What do you call a group that keeps getting bigger?

A crew.

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What's the difference between Baptists and Methodists?

Methodists will make eye contact at the liquor store.

What's the difference between a Methodist and a Baptist?

A Methodist will say "hi" to you at the liquor store

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What did the man who ate a clock say?

That was time consuming but I still want seconds.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

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Where does Phil Collins record all of his music?

The stu-stu-studio.

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.