Alcohol Jokes

Why was the note denied alcohol?

Because it was A Minor.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

What do you call alcohol in a birdbath?

Tequila Mockingbird!

Why did the Chemistry Teacher go to Jail?

He got caught giving alcohol to minors.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What's a sheep's favorite type of alcohol?

Mutton-schnapps.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

How does Alabama keep alcohol out of high school?

Change the drinking age to 25

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you get when you mix up literature and alcohol?

Tequila mockingbird Or Ernest Hemingway

What kind of alcohol gets stuck in your head for days?

Red Red Wine!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What is it called when you mix Alcohol and Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird. (X-post)

What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?

Tequila Mockingbird!

Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A?

AA, Eh

What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol?

La chaim-lich maneuver.

What do you call someone who randomly shows up and drinks your alcohol?

Bill Murray.

What do you call alcohol distilled by the Avengers' enemies?

Hydra-Gin

When your prescription says "DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TAKING THIS" how many beers are you really allowed to have?

What do you call a Children's show with some Alcohol added in?

Booze Clues.

Why did the bros take a shot of alcohol together?

Because if one bro takes a shot, the other takes a slug! #Bromanceforlife #Dietogether

How loud can you talk?

Alcohol

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What's the best kind of alcohol for your liver?

Nonanol.

What do you mean I can't drink alcohol with this medication?

You're not a bartender! You're just a pharmacist.

Why do we keep putting criminals behind bars?

Putting criminals behind bars seems like a bad idea once you consider all the alcohol they're now next to

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Because they don't like to drink and derive.

What do you call alcohol in a bird bath?

Tequila mockingbird

You might also enjoy:

Tequila Mockingbird Jokes More Tequila Mockingbird Jokes

What's an alcoholic's favorite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird I made this up just now... I'm so excited about it.

What do you call alcohol in a birdbath?

Tequila Mockingbird!

Schizophrenic Jokes More Schizophrenic Jokes

Guarantee Jokes More Guarantee Jokes

What is the 100% guaranteed way to get younger looking skin?

Believe in reincarnation.

What does MSG stand for?

Mandarin Service Guaranteed.

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

How do you install "blackout curtains"?

They just get hammered.

Why did Jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

Necrophiliacs Jokes More Necrophiliacs Jokes

What do necrophiliacs get at funerals?

Mourning wood.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.

Alcoholic Jokes More Alcoholic Jokes

What does an alcoholic do when he is out of beer?

Wine

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What does Uncle Vernon not do today?

Post.

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

Where does Noah store his bees?

The ark-hives.

What do you call a store that sells terribly made Nun apparel?

The Bad Habit.