How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children?

Backwards.

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Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing?

Possum: Oh yeah

What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Alcoholic Jokes More Alcoholic Jokes

What do you call it when an alcoholic stops drinking?

A leave of Absinthe.

What do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?

Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!

How to teach a cat how to bark?

Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!

Abc Jokes More Abc Jokes

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?

"Today children we will learn our ABC's"

How do pirates sing the ABC's?

Abcdefghijklmnopq AAAAARRRRRR stuvwxy and z