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Determine Jokes

How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus?

It was a no brainer.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What is the best way to determine if someone is ticklish?

Give them a "test tickle."

How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

How do you determine the personality of a hot dog?

Give it an Oscar-Myers-Briggs test

How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)

Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

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Jockeys Jokes More Jockeys Jokes

Why are clouds like jockeys?

Because they hold the reins!

How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

Gallop Poll Jokes More Gallop Poll Jokes

What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions?

A gallop poll.

How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

Beauty Jokes More Beauty Jokes

Why are spectators so happy with their jobs?

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder

What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland?

Aurora boring Alice.

Brainer Jokes More Brainer Jokes

What do you call a vegan zombie?

A no-brainer.

How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus?

It was a no brainer.

Personality Jokes More Personality Jokes

What do engineers use for birth control?

Their personality.

What does a violin player use as birth control?

Their personality

Market Jokes More Market Jokes

Why are housing prices in Toronto falling?

Because the market got flooded.

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

Turtle Jokes More Turtle Jokes

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night?

Nocturtle

Profit Jokes More Profit Jokes

How do fast food restaurants make so much money?

OC "They flip burgers for profit!" Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)