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How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

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Police Jokes More Police Jokes

Who takes the most drugs?

The police.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

What's the square root of 69?

Ate something.

Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to 10?

Because Windows 7 ate 9!!!

Turtle Jokes More Turtle Jokes

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

Where can you find a turtle that has no legs?

Exactly where you left it.

Determine Jokes More Determine Jokes

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

Conduct Jokes More Conduct Jokes

What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra?

Tuskanini.

What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning?

He was conducting.