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What do turtles do for fun?

Play hide and shell.

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What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar?

An algorithm

What do you call a horse that plays the violin?

Fiddler on the hoof!

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Why are there so many piggy banks?

Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.

Why is it worse this time around?

Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.

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What do you call a greedy crab?

Shell fish......

How do tacos fair in a war?

They tend to be shells of their former selves

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Why did you jump on a turtle?

Me: Because I'm a plumber

What did the snail say when he rode a turtle?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

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Why is it considered socially wrong to make fun of a crying 10-year old boy in Africa?

Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis.

How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun