What's a narcoleptics favorite game?

Hide and go sleep.

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How does a woman know she's sleeping with a forklift driver?

He beeps twice before coming through the flaps.

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.

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How do you starve a worthless mooch?

By hiding his employment check in his work boots.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Shows you it works then. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys picking cherries.