Turtle Jokes

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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What did the snail say while riding on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeeee!

How did the turtle call his friends?

On his shellphone

How do turtles communicate?

With shell phones.

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

Where can you find a turtle that has no legs?

Exactly where you left it.

What's green and has four wheels?

A turtle. I was lying about the wheels

What did the snail on the turtles back say?

WEEEEEEEEEE!

What did the Alligator say to the turtle?

Can I bayou a drink?

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

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What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

What do you call a turtle with an erection?

A slow poke!

What's a Ninja Turtle's favorite equation?

A radical equation.

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle?

Weeeeeeeeee

What did the snail say as he rode on the back of a turtle?

Wheeee!

What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone?

A Snapping Turtle

What did the snail say when put on top of a turtle?

Weeeeeeeeeeee

What did the snail say when he rode a turtle?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

What batteries do turtles use?

Durashells

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What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a turtle?

A slowpoke!

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shellfies!

Why did you jump on a turtle?

Me: Because I'm a plumber

What do turtles do for fun?

Play hide and shell.

What do you call Dana Carvey standing on the back of Dana Carvey?

Turtles all the way down

What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night?

Nocturtle

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

What does a snail riding on a turtles back say?

WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?

A. Wheeeee!!!!!

What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle?

A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh.

Why is turtle wax so expensive?

Because turtles have such small ears

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Ride Jokes More Ride Jokes

What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?

Bronchitis (bronc-itis).

How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.

Shell Station Jokes More Shell Station Jokes

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

Mistake Jokes More Mistake Jokes

What city has the biggest amount of mistakes per capita?

Uppsala

Why are you wearing masks?

There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one's gonna mistake a different turtle for you.

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

Who's there! Candy! Candy who?

Candy cow jump over the moon!

Why does Mexico do so badly in the Olympics?

Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the cows cross the road?

They wanted to go to the mooo....vies

Why did the chicken get run over by a car as it was crossing the road?

To get to the Other side

China Jokes More China Jokes

What do they call Peter Pan in China?

Peter Wok

What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common?

They're both pieces of China.

Wheel Jokes More Wheel Jokes

What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?

People got lit and turnt.

What's the wheel for?

The pirate replies, "Arrr it's drivin me nuts!"

Determine Jokes More Determine Jokes

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)

Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.