Chemist Jokes

Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

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How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

You barium

What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

Because they can never be a part of the solution.

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Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

Oxidants happen,

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

What do you do to a chemist after they die?

You Barium

Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

Drop the base.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

How does a chemist introduce Batman?

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

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Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

What did the Russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!

Why don't robots have any brothers?

They all have transisters.

Market Jokes More Market Jokes

Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area.

What do you call the corner of the market that specializes in philosophy?

A Nietzsche market!

Beaker Jokes More Beaker Jokes

Why were the Beakers all packed and moved out of the university lab?

They were graduated

Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?

He touched the beaker before it was cool.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What is something that is always heard but never seen?

A member of the Queen's guard doing a single squat.

What's the worst thing about Mexican and Black jokes?

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What did Shang Tsung say when he stole Liu Kang's shoes?

Your sole is mine!

Who steals all the soap in the bathroom?

The robber ducky

20 Jokes More 20 Jokes

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 20 beers!!

How long did it take Goku to change a lightbulb?

20 Episodes and Krillin dies.

Helium Jokes More Helium Jokes

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

3000 Jokes More 3000 Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized