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Chemist Jokes

Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

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Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

Pu

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

You barium

What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

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Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

Because they can never be a part of the solution.

Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

Oxidants happen,

How do chemists get high?

They drop acid of course

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

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Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

Drop the base.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

How does a chemist introduce Batman?

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

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Remain Jokes More Remain Jokes

Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory?

He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated.

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

Karma Jokes More Karma Jokes

What does Reddit share in common with the real world?

A messed up system of karma

What do you get when you cash in your memes for karma?

A dank statement.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What do you call a stolen Tesla Car?

Edison.

What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

I love the pokey, mon.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did Anakin say when the princess asked for his credit card?

Naboo

What did the scarecrow say when asked about his job?

This job isn't for everyone, but hay...it's in my jeans

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?

Anything you like he can't hear you.

Why do I always sit in the back of an airplane?

Cos iv never heard of an airplane reverse into a mountain... ill help myself out...

Pb & J Sandwich Jokes More Pb & J Sandwich Jokes

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How do you best serve burned food?

Coal'd.

What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes?

Fine. They will just be burnt on one side.

Market Jokes More Market Jokes

Why is there no market for white tires?

Because black tires makes your car run faster

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.