Chemist Jokes

Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

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Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

You barium

What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

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Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

Because they can never be a part of the solution.

Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

Oxidants happen,

How do chemists get high?

They drop acid of course

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

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What do you do to a chemist after they die?

You Barium

Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

Drop the base.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

How does a chemist introduce Batman?

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

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Curium Jokes More Curium Jokes

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Why do scientists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium, you'd barium!

People Jokes More People Jokes

Who burns their own city down?

The people of Ferguson.

What's the deal with reddit being obsessed about puns?

I've never... META... group of people so obsessed with puns before.. Fine, I'll leave :(:(

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Who is it?

Police: Police. Me:What do u want Police: To talk. Me: How many r u Police: 2 Me: Talk to each other.

What does a radical, Democrat and Republican have in common?

They both want to make money off of other people's work!

20 Jokes More 20 Jokes

What do you get when you put 20 Meth Heads in 1 room?

A full set of teeth

How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?

20 "Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."

Plumber Jokes More Plumber Jokes

Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached?

Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs Or crapperjoels

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did the pig join the Army?

He heard the food was a mess.

Why do you want to join the Secret Service?

Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."

3000 Jokes More 3000 Jokes

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at The Alamo?

They only had 4 cars.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

Bro Jokes More Bro Jokes

What did the doughnut say to the cop?

Don't glaze me, bro

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong