Chemist Jokes

Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

March Madness Sale

Love Card

$5.99

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

March Madness Sale

Love

$5.99

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

You barium

What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

$Your Age Is Only Math$

March Madness Sale

Your Age Is Only Math

$5.99

Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

Because they can never be a part of the solution.

Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

Oxidants happen,

How do chemists get high?

They drop acid of course

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

March Madness Sale

I Love Pizza & You

$5.99

What do you do to a chemist after they die?

You Barium

Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

Drop the base.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

How does a chemist introduce Batman?

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

You might also enjoy:

Crack Jokes More Crack Jokes

Whats Fred Flintstones favorite drug?

Crack Rock.

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

Because they would crack each other up.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun?

It burns too easily

What did Nirvana say when they drove past a burning school bus?

Smells Like Teen Spirits

3000 Jokes More 3000 Jokes

What's the difference between 8:45 am and 10:45 am?

Around 3000 people

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

Unionize Jokes More Unionize Jokes

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

Both give you a good chance of catching something

Why did the railroad thief get caught?

He forgot to cover his tracks! im

Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

How do you tell if a girl in Nebraska is a virgin?

She can outrun her brothers... *mic drop* "I'm out..."

What's a priest on an egg called?

A brother

Determine Jokes More Determine Jokes

How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus?

It was a no brainer.

How do you determine the personality of a hot dog?

Give it an Oscar-Myers-Briggs test

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once

What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops at 3 ho's