Chemist Jokes

Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

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How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

You barium

What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

Because they can never be a part of the solution.

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Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

Oxidants happen,

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

What do you do to a chemist after they die?

You Barium

Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

Drop the base.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

How does a chemist introduce Batman?

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

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Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why do men die before their wives?

Because we want to!

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

Curium Jokes More Curium Jokes

Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium. (Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)

What do you do with an infected chemist?

You try to Curium. If that doesn't work and he dies, then Barium

Pentecostal Jokes More Pentecostal Jokes

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

Why did they let the chicken join the band?

Because he brought his own drumsticks

Pronounce Jokes More Pronounce Jokes

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What is your reason for divorce?

She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

How do you keep getting in here?

ZOO OFFICIAL: Wait. Let's hear him out.

Have you heard of the band 1023MB?

They haven't got a gig yet.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Check, mate!

Dead Chemist Jokes More Dead Chemist Jokes

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium

What do you do with dead chemists?

Barium