How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

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Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

How do you tell if someone's balls are sensitive?

Give them a test-tickle

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Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".