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How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

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What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy?

The sky's the limit for you".

What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch?

Namaste

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How do chemists get high?

They drop acid of course

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium