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How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

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What's the most important part about telling a joke?

Your PUN-unciation

How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall?

Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!

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What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.