What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

50 pounds.

This joke may have profanity.

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What's the difference between God and an electrician?

God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.

Whats the difference between the FAA and a jet engine?

The engine stops whining after the plane lands.

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What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday?

A stole.

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Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)

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What did the sheep say when he saw his girlfriend?

Baaaaaeeeee!

Where'd you get that black eye?

Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too...

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