What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

50 pounds.

This joke may have profanity.

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What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

About 60 pounds.

What is the difference between someone who worships God &amp someone who worships the sun?

The sun exists.

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What did the Gorilla call his first wife?

His prime-mate!

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

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How did the Italian chef break up with his girlfriend?

Pasta la vista, baby.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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