This joke will be back someday
About 8 pints
A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"
A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.
Life eventually ends.
I haven't given up on my memes yet
About two-hundred dollars." - Johnny Carson
The Ozone layer doesn't benefit from having holes in them.
Hillary got off Scott-free.
A knife has a point.
When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.
Wright yells, "Objection!' Rong is your typical Chinese man.
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
One is still in the EU.
That the man that falls from the 2nd floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH While the man falling from the 8th floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.
The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. usually has a completely different meaning.
I never had a garbanzo bean in my mouth!
One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week
You only need one nail to hang the painting.
Nothing if you're a gorilla.
You can sleep with a light on.
Attire.
About 3 weeks.
I don't know you tell me.
The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!
Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.
When you ask them "2+2 is?":
Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over body
One of them is a flimsy thing that refuses to stand up on it's own. The other is a medical condition.
If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.
One is a super hero and the other is a simple command.
A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".
Because they're both cauldron
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.
After 200 years, the Yoghurt develops a culture.
You can't gargle with the sand.
The knife has a point
There's none, both live for the hits.
About a day
Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.
Only one of them made it to the moon.
The circus has a cunning array of stunts.
With Twitter you only get 140 characters.
Terrorists blow them selves up at camp on accident
I don't know I just fly the drone.
The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery.
One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears
A sixth sense
I don't have an alcohol collection.
Sometimes the homeless get change.
There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.
The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."
Jokes about Batman's parents can get old.
Beer nuts are $1.99 deer nuts are under a buck
The color. Yes, this is an anti-joke. Downvote please.
Their parents.
Everyone WANTS to be Irish on st Patrick's day.
When you run over a dog you don't have to go back and get the GoPro.
The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.
LSD doesn't need to be drunk to hit me.
Rick Grimes has two I's....
Paul Walker only crashed once.
A Golden Retriever can sing better.
Eric Clapton would never let an 8-ball fall out the window!
Tiger Woods has a better driver.
Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money
A triathlete doesn't go both ways.
Are you serious? I could give you a mouthful.
A rental car can drive anywhere.
A $100 bill makes change
You can't top a good pizza joke.
The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.
It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim
A Mechanical Engineer makes weapons, a Civil Engineer makes targets.
News of the elections is getting old.
The homeless man has $7 to his name.
Even if it is cold it's still good.
A battery has a positive side.
21st floor person goes: AHHHHHHHHHH 1st floor goes: AHHHHHHHHHH
About eighty years
When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.
It can neither fly
Logic
The crew.
With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.
A couple of weeks
The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.
Culture
In the first, you must drink a lot of liquids before battle, but in the latter, you only pretend.
Dead people had lives.
St. Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.
In Flint Michigan you can get gasoline that is unleaded.
How high you tie it on a tree.
If you leave yoghurt alone for 2000 years it'll develop a culture.
One less drunk.
69 cents.
What POC means.
A toddler can count past two...
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
SEVEN.
Because women are right.
So the men can think of a solution in silence.
What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!
They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Men, get on the boat.
There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.
Because he got a hole in one!
Oh dear, it seems I'm shirt on clothes.
Strait out of cotton
Putos (Ask your Mexican friend)
And I have few friends in real life.
Change Why do we need change (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)
