How can you tell if you bought lube from Tumblr?

Because it Lubri-Can't Even!

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What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

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What is Tumblr's favourite branch of maths?

Trigger-nometry...

Why aren't Tumblr users good farm contractors?

Because they always take a fence

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How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart?

You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!

How does a black women tell she is pregnant?

When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked.

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Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries?

Traitor Joe's.

Why do americans get manuals when buying a new car?

I thought they only drive automatic