Tumblr Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why aren't Tumblr users good farm contractors?

Because they always take a fence

What did the square of cloth identify as on tumblr?

Nap-kin

What do you get when you mix triangles with Tumblr?

Trigger-Nometry

Why do people in tumblr like quantum computing?

Because it's non binary

What is Tumblr's least favourite show?

NCIS

What is the biggest gender on Tumblr?

Whale-Kin

What does Darth Vader identify as on Tumblr?

Ana-kin

What dries your clothes but can also make you writhe around in agony?

A tumblr.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

What's the name of the car of a hipster Batman?

Tumblr.

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How can you tell if you bought lube from Tumblr?

Because it Lubri-Can't Even!

Why does Tumblr hate symmetrical shapes?

Because they can't even

What is Kanye West's favourite kind of omelette?

Omeletteyoufinish -stolen from raininginreverse on tumblr.

Why is Tumblr so odd?

Because they can't even.

What do you call a sleepy Tumblr user?

Napkin.

Why does the lemon feel uncomfortable making friends outside of tumblr?

Because it has cis-trust issues

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What's the difference between tumblr and a gun?

The gun has only one trigger

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

She identified as pump-kin.

What is Tumblr's favourite branch of maths?

Trigger-nometry...

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Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do Australians use for sun burns?

Aloe, mate. I'm sorry

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey Bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

How can you tell that microchips are made in the US and not the UK?

Because if they were made in the UK they would be called microcrisps.

Bunch Jokes More Bunch Jokes

Why did the bin lorry crash into a bunch of pedestrians?

It was Bin-Laden

What do you call a bunch of cats sitting in a circle?

The purr-rimiter.

Clothe Jokes More Clothe Jokes

What do clouds wear under their clothes?

Thunderware.

Where did he get his clothes?

That's right - a victim

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

Why the hell did you buy a buffalo?

Me: I'd rather have a buffalo and not need it than need a buffalo and not have it.

Trigger Jokes More Trigger Jokes

What do guns and millennials have in common?

You need to keep them in a safe space if you don't want them triggered.

Why don't feminists carry handguns?

Because of the triggers. I'm sorry

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What do you call clothes for a car?

A tire.

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet!