Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between a man and a government bond?

The bond matures.

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What's the difference between a lorry with good brakes, and a lorry with nice brakes?

A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.

What's the difference between a Dove and a Turkey?

One has a coo, the other has a coup

What's the difference between life and wife's rant?

Life eventually ends.

What's the difference between dreams and memes?

I haven't given up on my memes yet

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

What's the difference between Hillary's e-mails and the UK leaving the EU?

Hillary got off Scott-free.

What is the difference between a wife's argument and a knife?

A knife has a point.

What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.

What's the difference between a repost and a bullet?

I don't want to put a repost in my mouth

What's the difference between Jesus and Bono?

Jesus doesn't think he's Bono

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What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?

One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.

What's the difference between a football match and a referendum?

In a football match, the best team wins.

What's the difference between English Breakfast and Irish Breakfast tea?

One is still in the EU.

What's the difference between awkward and awful?

Awkward is finding your mom on Tinder, awful is matching with her

What's the difference between Superman and Roman Reigns?

Superman's powers are all natural.

What is the difference between a man falling from a 2nd floor and a man falling from an 8th floor?

That the man that falls from the 2nd floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH While the man falling from the 8th floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?

A circus has a cunning array of stunts

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I never had a garbanzo bean in my mouth!

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What's the difference between an "Ooh" and an "Aah"?

About 5 inches.

What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week

What's the difference between Jesus and the painting of the Last Supper?

You only need one nail to hang the painting.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

What's the difference between a gun and a feminist?

A gun has one trigger.

What's the difference between negligence and falling off of the Empire State building?

Nothing if you're a gorilla.

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on.

What's the difference between a man biking to a job interview and a clown on a unicycle?

Attire.

Whats the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?

About 3 weeks.

Whats the difference between a shower thought and a joke?

I don't know you tell me.

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!

What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

Why did Hillary cross the road?

What difference, at this point, does it make?

How to tell the difference between a bad, a good and an excellent accountant?

When you ask them "2+2 is?":

What is the difference between ID and ED?

One of them is a flimsy thing that refuses to stand up on it's own. The other is a medical condition.

What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt?

If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a super hero and the other is a simple command.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?

Snowballs

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

What's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a tub of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.

What's the difference between the United States and some yoghurt?

After 200 years, the Yoghurt develops a culture.

What's the difference between most complex life forms, and the internet?

Most complex life forms are a tube within a tube, and the internet is more like a series of tubes.

What's the difference between arguing with a girl and arguing with a knife?

The knife has a point

What's the difference between a joke on Reddit and a joke on 9Gag?

About a day.

What's the difference between a masochist and a blogger?

There's none, both live for the hits.

What's the difference between a brick and an MRA?

Bricks get laid.

What's the difference between Reddit and Facebook?

About a day

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

What is the difference between Bing Bong and Neil Armstrong?

Only one of them made it to the moon.

What's the difference between the strippers and the circus?

The circus has a cunning array of stunts.

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What's the difference between a Kindle and a Kindle Fire?

The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery.

What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears

What's the difference between a person with a forehead and a fivehead?

A sixth sense

What's the difference between a collection and an addiction?

I don't have an alcohol collection.

What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a gluestick?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?

There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.

What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?

The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

What's the difference between Batman's parents and jokes about Batman's parents?

Jokes about Batman's parents can get old.

What's the difference between Rutgers and Rikers?

One turns young people into horrible human beings and the other is jail.

What's the difference between a gambler and a Kasich supporter?

A gambler might lose.

Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.99 deer nuts are under a buck

What's the difference between blue paint and red paint?

The color. Yes, this is an anti-joke. Downvote please.

What is the difference between complete and finished?

If you find the right woman, you're complete.

What's the difference between an original joke and a repost?

I don't know, I just click "submit"

What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

Their parents.

What's the difference between a cello and a violin?

A cello burns longer.

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

What's the difference between an spam and a personal attack?

They aren'tt tolerated on thsi subredit

Whats the difference between Paul Walker and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver.

What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?

Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money

What's the difference between a pizza and a pizza joke?

You can't top a good pizza joke.

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs

What's the difference between Rick Grimes and Carl Grimes?

Rick Grimes has two I's....

What's the difference between Paul Walker and Windows 10?

Paul Walker only crashed once.

What is the difference between a pitbull and a Golden Retriever?

A Golden Retriever can sing better.

What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?

One of them is a swift tailor.

What's the difference between a 4WD and a rental car?

A rental car can drive anywhere.

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change

What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

What is the difference between a Mechanical Engineer and a Civil Engineer?

A Mechanical Engineer makes weapons, a Civil Engineer makes targets.

What's the difference between necrophilia and a pizza?

Even if it is cold it's still good.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

What's the difference between someone falling from 21st floor and 1st floor?

21st floor person goes: AHHHHHHHHHH 1st floor goes: AHHHHHHHHHH

What's the difference between a week-old human and a weak, old human?

About eighty years

What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.

What's the difference between 3 and 13?

Nothing, they both have 1 3

What's the difference between a politician and a computer?

Logic

Whats the difference between a house cat and a polecat?

How much their husbands make

What's the difference between YouTube and Redtube?

My YouTube experience lasts longer than 10 seconds.

What's the difference between the charismatics and the nacists?

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a police baton?

The magician's wand is used for cunning stunts

What's the difference between squash and zucchini?

You can't zucchini bugs! A family-friendly take on the age old "jam VS jelly" joke.

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