The matches are made for adults, but kids constantly grab'em and play with them. The situation is quite opposite with breasts.
One has culture.
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish "What about the glue " I knew you'd get stuck on that.
One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year.
One is a Bonaparte from the other.
They're both brown except the snowball.
20 minutes, thermostat 8.
How can you take something out you've never put in
I can get through his opening monologue without laughing
A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays
E.T. phoned home.
I give them a wall, and they take offense.
Attire.
Keep the change it doesn't really make a difference.
A cow can't be milked for over 30 years
A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.
People are'nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul.
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
The circus is a cunning array of stunts...
They are both post apocalyptic but only one produces brand new cars.
One's a Paladin, and the other's my pal Alladin
You can't unload sand with pitchforks.
A funeral is a meeting where you're dead outside as well as in.
The sun exists.
You can't steal a real car a few bits at a time
The C4 does something when it's triggered.
A Methodist will say hi when he sees you at the liquor store.
One is a cold heartless machine, used by everyone......And the other is useful with a Cafe. Gnite folks!
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.
A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.
An erection can make it past the semis, and still stand up if you sing for it.
Just three inches.
Two Towers.
The url.
Toilet paper.
A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.
One less drunk.
Batteries have a positive side! inspired by: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2zlrot/howmanyfeministsdoesittaketochangea/
The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.
A rental car can go anywhere
Eggs get laid at least once.
February 14th.
A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.
A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous... A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.
One hits the spot...
Two days.
One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.
Attire
One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl.
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture
A gun actually does something when triggered.
Chelsea got Oscar. huehuehuehue.
Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"
Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building
A daydreamer stares out of windows.
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.
The train got windows
You aren't naked in my bed.
The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.
Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake!
One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".
The guy would survive the first round.
Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore.
You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!
A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance
The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
A pencil has a point.
Their age.
In a casino, you really mean it.
Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*
A podiatrist bucks up your feet.
Ones used for cunning stunts.
The spelling.
About 1500 miles.
Have you ever tried worm pie!
An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.
Removed
I can't memory my weiner in your mouth.
Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
About 3 inches
A tire.
If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.
People laugh at my face.
A triangle has three points
The woman in church has hope in her soul.
One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!
A church bell peals from the steeple.
Sesame Street has an Oscar.
There's no punchline for this joke.
You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant
Whisper I don't have a Ferrari.
The car salesman knows he is lying.
Some people think God is real.
Spirit week.
By octobus!
Because they're always putting sales out on ken-dolls.
On dos axes
The handsome the caring and the majority.
Dug
About thirty thousand dollars a year.
One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatally different
One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different
AA, Eh
Their ankles!
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
SEVEN.
Sigh* Parenting is hard.
I don't know." **shrugs*
