What's the difference between my job and my boss's daughter?

I'm not coming into work today

This joke may have profanity.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?

There is no difference. The joke is you just learned math.

What's the difference between this morning and your wife?

I'm not coming in *this morning*

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How is a Silver Medal and a Priest the same?

They both came in a little behind.

What's the best joke you know that's kid-safe?

I know plenty of raunchy jokes, but was asked this recently and came up blank

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple?

IPatch

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because Eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why did the bacteriologist quit her job?

She hated being microbe-managed.

Why did Raekwon tha Chef get fired from his job at an oyster bar?

Cuz Wu Tang Clan got nuttin' to shuck with.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What came in the mail today?

Anthrax.

How did you prepare for today?

Red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes