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How did you prepare for today?

Red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes

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Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What is the difference between a hog and a man?

A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.

Why couldn't the pirate play cards?

Because he was sitting on the deck!

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Where's Wally?

Book today but couldn't find one anywhere. Well played, Wally. Well played.

What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

Prepare Jokes More Prepare Jokes

How do you prepare for a party in space?

You Planet Thanks u/BostonCentrist

When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response?

I like to be prepared.

Cocaine Jokes More Cocaine Jokes

What is the climax to a telephone receptionist who is on cocaine?

A second line

What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo of cocaine fall out of a window.

Up Jokes More Up Jokes

What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

Oh, so it has its ups and downs.

What's it like being bipolar?

It has its ups and downs.