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How did you prepare for today?

Red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes

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Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

Why do chickens sit on eggs?

Because they don't have any chairs. Source: my five-year-old.

What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common?

Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

Prepare Jokes More Prepare Jokes

What's the best way to prepare baby food?

Shake'n bake.

Why do girls like me more when i'm preparing potatoes?

Because they find me more appealing.

Cocaine Jokes More Cocaine Jokes

What is the climax to a telephone receptionist who is on cocaine?

A second line

Why should you tell bad jokes to cocaine addicts?

Because they'll crack up anyways

Up Jokes More Up Jokes

Why can't t-rexs do push ups?

Because they have been extinct for 65 million years.

What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

Oh, so it has its ups and downs.